Bookin' It My Way

Book Review - The Other Boleyn Girl by Philppa Gregory

2008-03-30T12:09:00.000-07:00

I picked up The Other Boleyn Girl the day before I left for vacation, thinking it would be a good airplane/beach read. It was all I hoped for and more. Not only was I thoroughly entertained by the steamy happenings of Henry the VIII’s court, impressed with Philippa Gergory’s deft writing style, and consumed with the Boleyn family and their endeavors, I have also become enthralled with England in the 1500s. I’ve found myself on my computer, combing sites like www.tudorhistory.org , www.englishhistory.net , and www.tudorplace.com , just to find out how historically accurate this novel is. What I’ve learned is that Henry and his six wives are fascinating, especially Anne Boleyn, her sister Mary and her brother George.
The novel focuses on the three of them. I won’t go into all the history, but here’s a rundown: before Anne and Henry ever go together, Henry and Mary were involved, and Henry allegedly fathered two of Mary’s children. In addition, George, who was a prominent member of Henry’s court, was (at the end of his life) accused both of incest with Anne, and of homosexuality. Nonetheless, Anne becomes Henry’s second queen. Unfortunately for Anne, the road she felt forced to go down in order to become queen is full of regret, and inevitably she is led down a much darker path. The joy of reading the novel isn’t in trying to figure out how it’s going to end, because most of us already know. Instead, it’s fun to read, in intimate detail, of how the Boleyns come to win everything at an incredible cost, and how they lose it all in agonizing turn of events. The book is told from Mary’s perspective, and she’s a sympathetic narrator. My research tells me that Mary did in fact have a reputation for being easy, and that Henry was not her only lover. But Gregory paints a picture of what life must have been like for Mary and other women like her, that as daughters their families afforded them no power nor choices, and that their only value was in capturing the hearts of important men. Mary and Anne were, according to Gregory, only obeying the wishes of their families.
It’s an interesting premise, and one that I doubt is often offered up in the history books.
At any rate, the book is really good, and I strongly recommend it.

Review by Laurel Osterkamp. Copyright 2008. All rights reserved.

Book Review - Sammy's House

2008-03-09T14:26:00.001-07:00

Sammy’s House, by Kristen Gore, is a sequel to Sammy’s Hill, and it picks up nearly two years after where the first one left off. Sammy is a low-on-the-food-chain white house official who specializes in health care and reports to the vice president, RG. She is still dating Charley, a reporter for the Washington Post, she still rooms with her relationship-challenged friend Liza, and she still obsesses over keeping her Japanese fighting fish alive.
But some stuff has changed. While Sammy is still prone to putting herself in embarrassing situations and making cringe-worthy gaffs, she isn’t as Lucile Ballish as she was in the first book. In fact, it’s completely understandable why this woman would be a valued member of the vice president’s staff; she’s loyal, hard-working, and competent.
But here is where Kristen Gore’s skill as a writer shines. She has created a loveable, funny, and smart character in Sammy, and she does so with aplomb. So many times I have read books about heroines who are supposed to super-intelligent, and I feel hit over the head with proclamations by the author about how genius the heroine is. (The Jessica Darling books by Megan McCafferty come to mind...) In contrast, Gore never ever tells us that Sammy is smart; instead, she includes us in Sammy’s thought process, which covers everything from healthcare reform, made-up holidays, interpersonal insights, and neurotic anxieties. Sammy’s brain is always in overdrive, and I find myself at once laughing and feeling in awe of how her mind works.
I’ll admit it; when I first heard that Kristen Gore got a book deal I was jealous and bitter. I was sure she was one more example of an undeserving author succeeding purely based off her connections. But then I checked out her first book from the library on a whim, and I realized how wrong I was. Sammy’s House is just as good as her first book, if not better.
In this one we learn about the inner-workings of the White House as Sammy becomes unwillingly privy to confidential information that could bring the administration she’s working for down. In addition, she’s struggling in her relationship after Charley moves to New York. With the perfect balance of political intrigue and romance, Sammy’s House is book not to be missed!

Copyright 2008 by Laurel Osterkamp. All rights reserved

Book Review - Twilight

2008-02-23T13:04:00.000-08:00

I know I’m behind the curve to just now be reviewing Twilight, by Stephanie Meyer, book one of a teen vampire series set in Washington State. This new series is topping the best seller lists and has gotten rave reviews, including being an Amazon “Best Book of the Decade….so far”. It has 1300 customer reviews on Amazon, and 1070 give the book 5 stars.
So it won’t matter a bit when I say – I don’t get it. I don’t get the hype, and I don’t understand why this book has been deemed incredible. It was entertaining, to a point. The premise is good. Bella, a high school junior, moves from the home she shares with her mother in Phoenix to Forks, Washington, a small town in the Olympic Peninsula. Forks has the distinction of being the cloudiest, gloomiest place in the U.S.
Bella likes warm weather and sunshine, so she’s not too excited to have relocated. Things look up for her however, when she meets Edward, this really, really, REALLY good looking guy who has equally good-looking adopted siblings and young adoptive parents (also good-looking). At first Edward acts like he can’t stand Bella, but then he saves her life, and the truth comes out. (Spoiler coming…)
Edward and his family are all vampires! Bella smells particularly good to Edward. So, it’s not that he hates her; he’s just torn between loving her and wanting to rip her to shreds and drink up all her blood.
Edward explains this to Bella, and she’s cool with it. More than cool, actually – she soon is addicted to Edward. But their relationship isn’t an easy one, and they now have to deal with all complications that come in a romance where the guy is constantly fighting his animal instincts to, you know, kill her.
Is that a metaphor for something?
Anyway, I’m not big into vampire stories, so hey, whatever. But what really bothered me was that in this 498 page book, nearly half of it was exposition, done in conversations between Edward and Bella. During these conversations they did nothing but sit and talk. My writing instructors would call them “talking head” scenes, and the author would be instructed to put in more action and details. My other big gripe is how whiney and clingy Bella quickly becomes. It’s hard to like her or sympathize with her plight to love Edward when he so desperately wants to eat her.
But I know I’m probably just jealous that my book isn’t a best-seller with 1300 reviews on Amazon.

By Laurel Osterkamp, 2008. All rights reserved

Book Review - Tales From the Crib and The Queen Gene

2008-02-02T12:03:00.000-08:00

Every now and then I hear snatches of the ongoing debate over whether chick lit is a genre of writing that is actually legitimate, or if instead, it’s trashy brain-candy that reduces the intelligent points of its readers. Both sides have passionate arguments, however irrelevant they may be. Because, really, it depends on the book. There is some really trashy chick lit out there, but there is literary chick lit as well. As for me, when I read chick lit (which is fairly often) I prefer it to be well-written and funny, but I also want the story to have some serious undertones. I like it when the heroine has some real-life challenges to overcome, so that I can vicariously learn from her journey. But to me the best sort of chick lit is the type that is that does all of the above without taking itself too seriously.
When I picked up a copy of Tales From The Crib, by Jennifer Coburn, at a library book sale, I wasn’t expecting it to so perfectly fit my criteria for good chick lit. My low expectations had only to do with the cover. There is a picture of a stylish and stick-skinny woman pushing a baby in a cart. None of the blurbs alluded to anything more serious than a zany story of a woman’s first year of motherhood. Since at the time I had just had my own first child, I thought, “Why not? It could be a fun read.” And it was, but I soon learned that in this case, I really couldn’t judge a book by its cover.
The story is about Lucy, a thirty-nine-year-old woman who has suffered several devastating miscarriages. The miscarriages have not only affected her emotional well-being, but also her marriage to Jack, a gallery owner and artist. For years they have suffered through disappointment and heartbreak, and while Lucy never loses her sense of humor, Jack accuses her of using laughter as a defense. Then it happens – Lucy gets pregnant again, and this time, she doesn’t miscarry. However, on the night that she tells him about her pregnancy, Jack tells her that he wants a divorce before she can break her happy news.
For several reasons, most of which have to do with money and convenience, Jack and Lucy decide to stay married, live together as friends, and raise their son. Jack starts dating other women, and Lucy deals with everything from problems nursing to sharing her son with her husband’s new girlfriend. In addition, we get to know Lucy’s family, including her eccentric mother Anjoli, and her loveable old aunts, Rita and Bernice.
I enjoyed this book so much that I had to read the sequel, The Queen Gene. (This one has an even more misleading front cover.) The story is equally good. It takes place pretty much immediately following Tales From the Crib, and all the major characters are back. Now Jack and Lucy, having patched things up (a transition written believably over the course of the entire previous book) have moved to their dream home and opened an artist’s colony. But things are not perfect; their home appears to be haunted by a spirit that injures every female who sets foot on the property, and keeps all artists, excluding Jack, from producing much of anything. In addition, Lucy’s mom, Anjoli, is constantly calling with updates about her dog and its variety of health problems.
It may sound like pure fluff, but it’s not. To be sure, these books are entertaining and light-hearted. But they cover a variety of issues, including birth and death, love and betrayal, and self-discovery and redemption. All the while, Coburn never loses her own sense of humor and while her characters remain consistent and believable, the writing never takes itself too seriously.
These books are not only good chick lit, they’re just good.

Book Review - Stars In Their eyes

2008-01-19T07:41:00.000-08:00

Stars in Their Eyes, by Danielle Turchiano, is about two young women who are trying to make it big in Hollywood. Courtney appears on an evening soap-opera, but she is very serious about her work and has aspirations to be a film actress. Soon she leaves the stability of her regular gig to break into movies. The other woman, Leah, is Courtney’s friend/manager. She mostly takes care of things like party-planning and social engagements, all the while mooching off Courtney and using her star-power to score Hollywood perks.
It is when Courtney meets and falls in love with assistant director Jay that both women are tested. Courtney finds that nothing is simple when it comes to love, because Jay is at once possessive and jealous, and soon they are having explosive arguments and problems communicating. Leah feels the effects of this as well because they are such good friends.
Stars in Their Eyes offers a unique perspective on the superficiality of the entertainment industry and the fickleness of our celebrity-driven culture. Because the author has worked in the industry, she is able to provide all sorts of interesting details about living and working in LA. In addition, the dialogue is brisk and fun to read and the plot is intriguing.
Definitely an enjoyable read – Stars in Their Eyes will have you wishing for your own beach vacation in the middle of this cold, long winter!

Book Review - Anybody Out There?

2008-01-06T13:07:00.001-08:00

Yesterday I took my three-year-old son to the library. We had just selected a stack of books and had sat down to read them together, when over the loud-speaker a librarian’s voice announced that I was to come to the circulation desk. I assumed I had left some paper with my name on it in one of the books I had just returned, so I calmly put my son’s books down, scooped him up, and made my way to the desk.
When I got there, there were two policemen waiting with the librarian, and all three of them had dour looks on their faces. I looked from one to the next, but they all seemed hesitant to tell me whatever news they had for me. It was only a moment of silence, but for an irrational space of time, I was sure that something terrible had happened to someone I love, and somehow these people knew and it was now their job to tell me. I remember thinking, “This is it. This is what it’s like to find out something horrible.”
It turned out to be nothing at all. I had parked my car too closely to another car that was owned by a very pregnant lady. She couldn’t get in, so I needed to re-park my car. I was happy to do it, mostly because I felt grateful that I had somehow averted disaster.
And the whole experience reminded me of a book I’m reading. The moment of certainty where you’re sure that your world is coming crashing down around you is beautifully expressed throughout the entire story of Anybody Out There? by Marion Keyes. For Keyes fans, this book is a natural progression in her series about the Walsh family daughters. Three previous books have focused on different siblings; this one takes up with Anna, the second-to-youngest “flakey” daughter. (Other books about the Walsh family include Watermelon, Rachel’s Holiday, and Angels). Anna was labeled as flakey in those other books, a branding from her sisters, and it seemed well-deserved at the time. Now, hearing from Anna’s perspective, I’m struck with two truths: 1. Anna is only a little flakey. 2. Marion Keyes is a master at both loving her characters and at writing about them objectively. Few authors are good at both.
Each book has improved upon the last, and each offers a whole new view of the loveable and eccentric Walsh family. Anybody Out There? begins in Ireland, where Anna is staying with her parents and her youngest sister Helen, while recovering from a horrible accident. Soon Anna returns to her home in NYC, a city she shares with her sister Rachel. I won’t give anymore details about the story, other than this: It is a brilliant tale of love and loss, because Keyes writes it in a way that forces the reader to experience the same emotions as Anna, as she is having them. It’s at once funny and heart-breaking, and it will leave you with the hope that it’s possible to survive the worst of catastrophes and still have your personality in check.
Whether or not you’ve read other books by Marion Keyes, you’ll be able to enjoy Anybody Out There? because it’s instantly relatable. Whether you’ve suffered a tragedy, or you’re like me (lucky enough to only have had a scare from time to time), this book is one to enjoy, learn from, cry over, and laugh at. How many books offer such promise? Read it – you won’t be sorry.

By Laurel Osterkamp
Copyright 2008. All Rights Reserved.

Looking for Books to Review

2007-12-27T09:55:00.000-08:00

Do you have a book out that you'd like a review for? I'd love to read it.

I am especially interested in chick lit and women's fiction published by small and independent publishers, or print on demand. I would publish the reviews on my website, both of my blogs and on Amazon.

If you're interested please e-mail at laurel@pmibooks.com.

Thanks!

P.S.
For more information about who I am, you can go to www.laurelosterkamp.com

Lesson a Lifetieme (Movies for Women) #4 - A Holiday Affair

2007-12-27T09:54:00.000-08:00

When I started watching this movie, I wasn't aware that it was a remake of a 1949 production that starred Janet Leigh and Robert Mitchum. The newer version stars Cynthia Gibb and David James Elliot, two stars who I've never heard of but were pleasant and good-looking enough to hold their own in the expected sort of way. Anyway, the premise is this: a young widow is still in love with her dead, heroic husband. In the Lifetime version the husband was a doctor who died saving people in a huge fire that he happened upon. Connie (the widow) still has pictures of him all over her apartment (in which he is always wearing his doctor's coat and stethoscope) and this is to let us know that she isn't over him, even though she's engaged to Tom Irwin, a nice but nerdy lawyer who is never seen without a tie on (to let us know that he's sort of uptight.)
Well, soon another guy, David James Elliot, enters the picture. He's a dreamer, doesn't hold a job, but he builds things. And while he wears vests a lot, he never wears ties (to let us know that he's a lot of fun). He falls both for Connie and her young son, and convinces her that she needs to move on and let go of the past. Then, after only having known her for a few days, he asks her to marry him.
All of this takes place during Christmas.
Anyway, in the end, Connie has to choose between security and safety (Tom Irwin) and love and excitement (David James Elliot). Any guesses what her decision is? I'll give you a hint – the final shot is of Connie, her son, and the fella she chooses, riding away on a train at the stroke of midnight, after having just shared a passionate embrace (the son was sort of a bystander for the embrace.)
I actually liked this movie; it was fun to watch and laugh at, yet at the same time I got into the story more than I wanted to admit to myself. Several days later I started watching the original version on TCM, and didn't enjoy it as much. Robert Mitchum, who was not the typical romantic-comedy hero, came off as sort of an ass. I know it's not very PC of me, but in this case, I'd have to say that the newer modern version is better.
But what did I learn? Well, here you go:
1. Health insurance doesn't matter, and it's okay to give up your own job and move away with your young son to live with some cute but aimless guy who you've known for less than a month.
2. I've grown cynical if that's what I'm thinking about while watching a romantic movie.
3. We really need to create universal health care so I can start enjoying romantic comedies again.
Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

Lesson of a Lifetime (Movies for Women) 3 - It Was One of Us

2007-11-25T11:56:00.000-08:00

It Was One of Us tells the story of five old college roommates at their 10 year reunion. When the ladies break into their old suite (which is nicer than anything I ever stayed in while at college), and catch up, they decide to reveal their deepest, darkest secrets. Of course the women all are very different – there’s the successful but lonely business woman, the college professor with commitment issues, the (slightly) overweight married mom/doctor who runs her practice from her home, the yoga/man obsessed stay-at-home mom, and the exotic party-girl who has just returned from overseas.
Their secrets are also varied. They include adultery, addiction, plagiarism, illegal selling of prescription drugs, and insider trading. These secrets are of course told in the strictest of confidence, so imagine the ladies’ surprise when they each get an anonymous letter demanding $20,000 within a week or their secrets will be revealed and their lives will be ruined. They reconvene to figure out how this could have happened, was their old dorm room bugged, and if so, who could be blackmailing them? “It was one of us!” one of them cries. But who? The rest of the movie is about the five former friends spying on each other in an effort to figure that out.
I won’t tell you the details about who did it and why, but I will say that it was indeed one of the five (not who you’d expect, which I liked) but it all turns out okay anyway. After watching nearly two hours of these women lie, go behind each other’s backs, and in one case, pull out a gun and threaten to shoot, the movie ends with a montage of the five of them hugging each other and smiling, while some sappy song about friendship plays in the background.
Hmm… I remember college, and I remember thinking I would maintain the friendships I formed there indefinitely. Now, fifteen years later, I talk to one person I met there on a semi-regular basis, and that’s it. She was never a roommate. My roommates changed every year, and they included an alcoholic with a stalker-type boyfriend, and a group of three girls who already knew each other while I was the odd-one-out. What I remember most about them was that they decorated our entire suite in beer signs. It was horrendous. Other roommates were friends, but due to things like geography, changed priorities, or some deep-rooted emotional issues (theirs, not mine), we fell out of touch.
So who am I to judge? But it seems to me that these women had it all wrong. Amid all the terrible secrets and the eventual bribery that followed, do you want to know the one act committed that was deemed unforgivable? The doctor/mom gained weight during her second pregnancy and never took it off! Every time she wanted a cookie or something that wasn’t a carrot stick, she received reprimands from her size two friends (she was probably a size 10 or 12 herself), and nobody seemed to care that she was a doctor with her own practice.
So what did I learn? It’s okay to lie, cheat, steal, or maybe even kill, but before I go to my next reunion I’d better make sure I’m not carrying any extra weight around. That said, I’d love to reconnect with some old-college friends, if I only had the time and energy to do so. I’d even be willing to be a stereotype if it meant I could have a movie type of life where I’d be part of a group of tight female friends. I’d be the tired working mom with aspirations of a writing career one.

Copyright 2007 by Laurel Osterkamp. All rights reserved.

Book Review - Picture Perfect

2007-11-11T13:01:00.000-08:00

Picture Perfect, by Jodi Picoult, tells the story of Cassie, an anthropologist who’s married to the famous Alex Rivers, a movie star as talented as Daniel Day Lewis, as desired as George Clooney, and as handsome as both of those guys put together. However, things are not as great as they seem, because soon Alex begins to beat Cassie. Of course, there are reasons why he beats her (he suffered abuse as a child, his parents never loved him) and reasons why she puts up with it (she had an alcoholic mother who depended on her, her first love was shot and killed), but ultimately, Cassie must decide if love should be as forgiving as she has spent her life being. When she can no longer handle the punishment that loving Alex brings, she turns to Will, a Native American cop who has his own demons to battle. A love triangle is established that will ultimately test the power of their love and the strength of their own identities.
Jodi Picoult, as always, is an excellent story-teller, and one of my favorite writers. Reading her books is like taking a class on how to write fiction that’s at once compelling, entertaining, and moving. There are some extremely effective passages in this book that demonstrate her mastery with words, and I would recommend Picture Perfect to anyone who enjoys a good story about the complexities of love and the imperfections of the human race.
That said, there was one thing that bugged me. I started to get really annoyed with Cassie for staying with Alex as long as she did, to the point where I almost didn’t care anymore about what happened to her. Also, I failed to understand what both Alex and Will saw in her, why they both were so hopelessly in love with this woman.
Yet, despite my complaint, I still think Picture Perfect is a great story. I have read other books about abuse, and I’ve seen movies as well, and in each one the abuser is always the ultimate evil bad-guy, the woman is the martyred victim, forced to find her strength, and the other guy (the guy she finds once she leaves her husband) is nice and predictably perfect for her. Picoult never stoops to such cliché’s. All of her characters have strengths and weaknesses, no one is a true sinner or a saint.

By Laurel Osterkamp
2007. All rights reserved

Lesson of a Lifetime (Movies for Women) #2 - Fatal Lessons: The Good Teacher

2007-11-03T13:23:00.000-07:00

Victoria Page is an aspiring authoress, who gets her material by assuming new identities, then swooping down on a happy family and destroying them through lies, manipulation, and poison. In Fatal Lessons: The Good Teacher, she gets a job as a middle school teacher, and worms her way into the family of one of her students by cozying up to the mother, Samantha Stevens. She starts to poison Samantha by slowly giving her homegrown lethal herbs, and that makes Samantha spacey and forgetful. Her husband starts to get pissed of at this, and her life and marriage come apart.
Meanwhile, Victoria records everything that happens into her manuscript, and positions herself to fill Samantha’s shoes as wife and mother after she successfully kills Samantha by giving some herbs that will make it look like she had a heart attack. After it’s all over, she’ll have a great family and a potential best-seller that she’ll never be able to publish because it will be proof of her guilt, so I’m unsure why she goes to so much trouble to execute her evil plan.
About half-way through the movie a sleazy looking guy who knows Victoria shows up and tries to blackmail her, because I guess she’s done this before to other families, and she just kills the husband and kids once she gets tired of them, then moves on. Yet she records EVERYTHING, and we know this because she refers to other “chapters” during her voice-overs, (like the good ski-instructor or the good accountant), but why she does this completely baffles me. Why write a manuscript that you know you’ll never be able to sell?
Also, I have to wonder how Victoria landed such a plum teaching job in the idyllic mountain town where the film takes place. And, assuming she faked her credentials, how she knows so much about teaching that she can successfully do her job. (I know – anyone can teach, right?)
I guess my lesson here is I’m Just Bitter. I actually am a teacher, and I’d like to think – a writer, and I have the sort happy family she aims to infiltrate, yet I’m not nearly as disciplined as Victoria (who was played Erika Elenaik). I don’t look nearly as good in a bathing suit, and my nails aren’t manicured like hers are, and I’m not one of those people who always seem composed and sure of themselves. I’m more like Patricia Kalember’s character, Samantha, who always wears cardigan sweaters, and whose hair is always a little messy, and who seems to find herself apologizing for things she didn’t necessarily do.
Oh well. It is of course Samantha who not only makes it out of the movie alive, but who saves herself and her family in the process, thus proving her innocence and her self-worth. In the end it’s Samantha’s husband who is apologizing, and Samantha’s a lot more forgiving than I would have been.
The moral? It’s okay to be bitter as long as you’re forgiving as well. But don’t be one without the other. Oh – and if an extremely attractive new friend starts offering you odd looking herbs, don’t take them.

Book Review - The Last Summer (of You and Me)

2007-10-21T13:18:00.000-07:00

The Last Summer (of You & Me), by Ann Brashares (the author of The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants series) is an adult novel which tells the story of three friends/siblings: Paul, Riley, and Alice. Each is in their early twenties, and like the generation they belong to, they’re still on the cusp between childhood and adulthood, trying to figure out who they are and their relationships with each other and the rest of the world.
Riley is especially immature; at twenty-five she still makes a career out of being a lifeguard and has yet to enter into any sort of romantic relationship. But she’s always been the leader, encouraging her sister Alice and her best friend Paul to cling to childhood traditions and to reject the pretentiousness of adult pleasures. Because they love her they agree, but everything becomes more complicated when Paul and Alice fall in love. Guilt compels them to keep their relationship hidden from Riley. However, when Riley becomes seriously ill the strength of their love is tested, and the bonds both of family and friendship are put into question.
“The idea of love is always easier than the practice of it.’ Brashares states this towards the end of her story, and by the time she does so, it’s almost unnecessary. The entire novel is a beautiful, lyrical testament to the complexities of all sorts of love, yet never is the reader made to feel manipulated nor pandered to. Instead, the characters, their thoughts, and their relationships are built up and described so lovingly, that the book and its subject matter become one and the same: like the summer it describes, this novel is at once beautiful and fleeting. It’s impossible to put down, but at the same time you’ll want to cling to it, to draw it out and not let it end. After you do, you’ll promise yourself you won’t forget the way it made you feel, even though you know that (unfortunately) you will, all too soon.
That’s okay. Unlike summers, books can be relived, over and over and over.
This is one you’ll want to visit again for sure.

Book Review - Secret Society Girl and Under the Rose

2007-10-14T12:47:00.000-07:00

Amy Haskel attends the fictional, yet highly prestigious (think Harvard and Yale) Eli university. In Secret Society Girl Amy is a junior, and is surprised one day to be tapped as a pledge for the enigmatic Rose and Grave society. Having matriculated from a state university myself, I don’t know much about the Ivy League or the secret societies that form within them, but after doing a quick Google search, I’m guessing Rose and Grave is supposed to be comparable to Skull and Bones, which both President Bush and John Kerry joined while attending Yale.
Anyway, once she joins, Amy finds that power and connections have its advantages, but also drawbacks. Soon, she is embroiled in a scandal over the society’s recent decision to allow women to join, and she’s faced with a dilemma whose outcome could destroy her closest friendship, ruin her love life, and seriously hinder her post-graduation career.
Yet she pursues on, and in Under the Rose, Amy is a senior, facing another scandal that could not only bring down the Rose and Grave society as a whole, but may also jeopardize Amy’s very well-being. Meanwhile, Amy needs to figure out who she ought to be dating: George, the shallow but gorgeous society brother, Brandon, her sweet and vulnerable ex, or Jamie (although she claims to despise him, I can tell there’s some romantic tension a-brewing.)
I read these books back-to-back, which for me, is very high praise. I usually like to mix things up a bit, and space out my chick-lit reads with more weighty or serious-minded material in between. But after finishing Secret Society Girl, I thought “What the hell?” and dove right into Under the Rose without a second thought. They’re perfect autumn reads – I’ve always enjoyed stories with academic settings at this time of year, and the descriptions of college campus are exactly what I was hoping for (lots of old architecture, grand libraries and concert halls, etc). In addition, both books have a creepy element to the plot, which is great for the Halloween season.
Best of all, Diana Peterfreund (who attended Yale herself) manages to create a believably intelligent and capable heroine without making her needlessly pretentious. After reading Megan McCafferty’s Jessica Darling series, where the heroine attends Columbia and cannot resist reminding the reader of how smart she is every 10 or so pages, I appreciated the understated smarts of Amy Haskel.
Secret Society Girl and Under the Rose are super-fun and well written. Peterfreund is coming out with a third installment this summer, and I for one can’t wait. Keep them coming!

Lesson of a Lifetime (Movies for Women) #1 - Devil in the Flesh

2007-09-22T13:11:00.000-07:00

Lesson of a Lifetime (Movies for Women)
Chapter 1 – Devil in the Flesh

After her parents' death, young Debbie Strand is sent to live with her grandmother. But eventually, the older woman's controlling ways work Debbie's very last nerve, and she beats grandma to death with her own cane. Now Debbie has fallen for her new teacher and won't let anyone - especially his girlfriend - get in her way. (www.lifetimetv.com)

I watched Devil in the Flesh last week. It was made in 1998, and it starred Rose McGowen, of Charmed fame, and a reasonably good looking actor who I’d never seen or heard of before (Alex McArthur). The description above leaves out some important plot points:
A. Debbie killed her mother and burned down her own house before moving to live with grandmother, because she caught her mother being romantic with a teacher whom she had an unrequited love for.
B. Debbie’s grandmother beat Debbie’s mother while she was growing up. The grandmother is extremely religious and conservative, and forces Debbie to wear her mother’s outdated, geeky wardrobe. Grandma is only able to give affection to her dog, so Debbie kills it in an effort to upset Grandma, before she proceeding to kill Grandma herself.
C. Debbie steals lingerie to wear to school, which she changes into after leaving the house in her mom’s old duds. Nobody at school seems to notice or care that she’s dressed like a prostitute, except her new creative writing teacher (Alex McArthur), who invites Debbie to help him with his garage sale.
D. Debbie of course becomes infatuated with her new teacher, and starts stalking him. He tells nobody at first, including his stewardess girlfriend, who Debbie tries to kill in the end. She doesn’t succeed, but she is able to off the quarterback of the football team and a social worker before being taken away by a young, handsome police officer, who she gives an adoring look to in the final shot of the film.

Hmm… I have to wonder, did the producers go into it believing they were doing anything remotely original and creative, or did they realize from the offset that this story was completely derivative of films like Fatal Attraction and The Crush? The anonymous cable reviewer of course gave the film 2 stars, and this is one rating that I’d have to agree with. It wasn’t terrible. Rose McGowen played the part convincingly enough; I sort of believed she was a psychopathic teenager with absolutely no emotional maturity but an overly-developed sexuality and a tough veneer due to years of abuse.

The character I had a problem with was the teacher. One of the first things we see him do is engage in a basketball game with a student. If the student wins, he gets an A in the class. If the teacher wins, the student has to try harder. Yeah right. First of all, word of this game would spread through the school like wildfire, and every jock in this teacher’s class would be demanding the same deal. But forget the ethics of giving a kid an A in English class just for winning a game of one on one, and move directly to the “promising to try harder” thing. As anyone who works with teenagers knows, an empty promise from a sixteen year old is about as valuable as an empty promise from a Washington official. The only difference is, instead of laughing quietly to himself over the gullibility of his constituents, the youth would laugh publicly with the rest of the school over how stupid Mr. So-and-So is to believe that the bet meant anything at all.

Second of all, why is it that in every single movie that’s like this one, where a young girl is throwing herself at a man she idolizes, that the object of her affection always waits SO LONG to say anything to anyone? In this case, the worse thing the teacher did was blow off his girlfriend to work a garage sale with young Debbie, and he had a good time gazing at her in her short-shorts and sports bra type halter top. But he didn’t hit on her or cross the line, not really. Except by not saying anything to his girlfriend it made him look all the guiltier when he was forced to because Debbie’s stalking became an “issue in their relationship”.

He also doesn’t say anything to the principal, or to fellow teachers until he’s forced to (there are FBI officials on the case) and it’s not like he doesn’t have the chance. But he’s the cool teacher – a maverick, who believes that a little bit of understanding and mutual respect will work wonders with these kids. Humpf. Guess I’m just cynical, but anyone who doesn’t have the brains to report a stalker-like student immediately, has no place being a teacher in the first place.

That leads me to the main flaw in the film. There were no characters to care about. I didn’t care about Debbie because she was a killer and dressed like a skank. I didn’t care about the teacher because he was an idiot. His girlfriend was an idiot by association; I certainly thought she could do better. And the grandmother was a freak. I did feel sort of sad however, when her dog died.

Another thing – why do these movies always end in the same way? The psycho girls attacks the innocent girlfriend/wife of the guy she’s been stalking, the guy rushes in, and you think he’s successful at stopping her while psycho girl lies still for a moment after being attacked. Then she comes back to life, and attacks again. In this case, Debbie does deliver a blow to the teacher, but he’s carried off to the ambulance and we’re left to believe he’ll be okay. I would have preferred it if he or the girlfriend, or both, had died. Then it wouldn’t have been such a predictable ending.

So what did I learn from this film? I learned that if I’m going to make a movie, to make sure it has an original storyline with characters people can relate to. I also learned to never challenge any of my students to one on one basketball matches (I’d lose every time anyway), and to certainly never blow off my husband’s plans for the weekend in order to work a garage sale for the school’s art department, which I’m not a part of (neither was the teacher in the film).

All valuable lessons, don’t you think?

Lesson of a Lifetime (Movies for Women)

2007-09-08T13:24:00.001-07:00

I admit it. I love Lifetime Movies for Women. What’s not to love? Beautiful people – but not so beautiful that they don’t look real – doing things like battling mysterious terminal illnesses, running from crazy stalkers who seemed normal when they moved in next door, extorting corrupt ex-husbands while falling in love with the adorable yet gruff looking police chief who is on the case, and saving their daughters from combinations of eating disorders, venereal diseases, prostitution rings, and the pressures of making it into the Ivey League, all while driving an affordable yet trendy car and sporting a similar wardrobe, hair cut, and living situation.
If the dialogue, storylines, and acting in these films are tired or trite, then they’re made up for with a combination of campiness and comforting predictability. I usually watch them in half hour segments, early in the morning, while I am working out in my living room. That’s right, I start my mornings with Lifetime Movies for Women, and their resonance stays with me throughout the day. Perhaps it’s because I never watch them all in one sitting, but rather, stretched out over a 3 to 4 day period, that I think about and analyze them during my down time, like when I’m driving to and from work, eating lunch at my desk, or going to the bathroom. Whatever. I’ve been devoting a lot of thought to these films, while others see them as skimming the bottom of the television food-chain.
I don’t think that way. These movies actually have value. And they’re not all the same; although you wouldn’t know it by how they’re rated. I have digital cable, and when I press the information button on my remote to find out more about any given film, I always check out how many stars the film received. Nine times out of ten, it’s been given two stars. Every now and then one will get two and half stars, and I’ll know this movie must be truly special and I’ll record it. I never record the ones that get one and a half stars (I’ve come across a few that have), and the only time I’ve ever seen one get three stars is if it’s a replay of a Hollywood film. I have NEVER come by a movie on Lifetime that’s gotten four stars. I suspect that four stars are reserved for films that aren’t meant just for women.
So if they’re all rated the same, how do I choose? I have a few criteria. Anything that’s about high school girls or young mothers (I teach high school and have a young child), anything that’s scary-suspenseful, or anything with Shannen Doherty (I just like her) is a green light. Tori Spelling are Jenny Garth are both yellow lights; so are stalker stories and/or court-room dramas. Anything starring Melissa Gilbert or that was made before 1998 is pretty much a red-light; unlike wine, these films do not get better with age.
Anyway, I have decided I have been spending too many hours watching then mulling over these films to have nothing to show for it. So I am going to record my thoughts, and tell you or anyone who cares enough to read this, what I’ve learned from watching. In other words, I am ready to share with the world my Lessons of a Lifetime Movies for Women.
More is Coming Soon!

Looking For Ward final installments

2007-03-31T12:56:00.000-07:00

The last two installmets of LOOKING FOR WARD are posted on my website, www.laurelosterkamp.com

Looking For Ward 3/30/07

2007-03-29T16:58:00.000-07:00

To: owenphilps@yahoo.com
From: chloelangley@origingifts.biz
Date: March 30 2007
Subject: one more favor

Hi Owen…

I know I was pretty angry in my last e-mail, but I’ve had some time to think and to cool down. You say you want to see/talk to me as little as possible. Okay. You’re probably right, especially considering how I now know Bethany feels about you. But I have one last request before I promise to leave you alone.

I know there’s something you’re not telling me, something else that you know about Ward. I just really need to know what that is. I don’t think I can let go and move on until I’m fully informed. This has been one huge mess, and I can’t clean it up before the final spill has happened. I expect I’ll find out one way or another, but if I hear it from you at least I’ll know that you respected me enough to tell me the truth.

I can’t say that all my feelings for you have evaporated the way they seem to have with you for me. Oh well, I guess it’s for the best… otherwise things would be way too complicated. But please, if you ever liked me even just a little, tell me what you know.

Then I promise – I’ll forget about you and everything that happened between us.

Love,

Chloe

To: chloelangley@origingifts.biz
From: owenphilps@yahoo.com
Date: March 30 2007
Subject: Re: One last favor

Chloe,

My feelings for you haven’t evaporated, it’s just complicated and for the best if we end things. But I do like you, I always have (more than I should).

So I’ll tell you what I promised Ward I wouldn’t tell you. Just remember, we’re all human.

Ward has a daughter with Janey. She’s 5 years old, so obviously she was conceived when you and Ward were broken up for a while. As far as I know, they haven’t been involved for a long time, not since he got back together with you. Why he never told you about this, well… you’ll have to ask Ward about that.

I hope you hear from him soon.

Love,

Owen

LAUREL OSTERKAMP
author of FOLLOWING MY TOES
www.laurelosterkamp.com

COPYRIGHT LAUREL OSTERKAMP 2007. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

Looking For Ward 3/29/07

2007-03-28T17:00:00.000-07:00

To: whoskins@lycos.com
From: owenphilps@hotmail.com
Date: March 29 2007
Subject: Re: Hi

Hello Ward.

You probably thought I wasn’t going to e-mail back. I just have no idea what I should say to you.

How about this? Where are you and why did you leave? Do you have any idea what this is doing to Chloe? I understand that you had some stuff to work through before you were ready to tie the knot, but man, why all the mystery?

After I realized you were gone I tried to get inside your head and figure out what exactly you would tell me to do, if you were going to tell me to do something. I figured you’d want me to protect your privacy and Chloe at the same time, so that’s what I tried to do. It wasn’t easy, and I can’t say that I succeeded on either front. In fact, I pretty much failed.

Chloe now knows everything I knew about your past, and she’s even met your parents. Also, I told her the story of how you saved my life, which I thought she knew already. She wrote you this letter that explained all the reasons why it was over between the two of you. I don’t think she ever thought you would read it, but she had to write it to make herself feel better. You broke her heart – whether that was your intention or not.

Now, I don’t know. I did what I could to convince her to keep an open mind and perhaps give you another chance. But of course, there is that one thing that she doesn’t know about, that thing I promised I would never tell her. Although I wish I had never sworn to you that I wouldn’t. So I’m begging you now, tell her yourself.

Because I think she still loves you. Because she deserves the truth, and she deserves to be happy. That’s not to say she hasn’t had major doubts about marrying you. Yet, if you hadn’t ever left I’m confident she never would have thought twice about committing her life to yours. So whatever doubts she has, it’s up to you to alleviate them and make her trust you again. It’ll be difficult but not impossible, and the first thing you need to do is come home, and explain everything.

Ward – come home now. Drop whatever it is you’re doing and just come home. I have a feeling that the longer you wait, the surer you are of losing her. So if you don’t want to lose her for good, make up your mind to do the right thing. And keep this in mind – if you don’t, I will.

Your Friend,
Owen

To: owenphilps@yahoo.com
From: whoskins@lycos.com
Date: March 29 2007
Subject: Re: Hi

Owen, what happened while I was gone? Since when do you worry about Chloe? You sounded sort of protective. Is something going on that I need to know about? (Just kidding – I know you’d never do anything like that.)

I get that it was uncool of me to disappear so soon before the wedding. But you know me well enough to realize that I wouldn’t have if it wasn’t totally necessary. I have my reasons. You know how Janey can be. She threatened me, man. I had to make a decision fast.

I do appreciate you looking after Chloe, but now what? She probably hates me for all the lies I’ve told. Once she hears the rest of it I’m sure things between us will be OVER. I don’t know what to do. I can’t tell you what to do either. I guess you just need to ask yourself: who are you more worried about, me or Chloe?

LAUREL OSTERKAMP
author of FOLLOWING MY TOES
www.laurelosterkamp.com

COPYRIGHT LAUREL OSTERKAMP 2007. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

Looking For Ward 3/28/07

2007-03-27T17:05:00.000-07:00

To: chloelangley@origingifts.biz
From: lois_langley@yahoo.com
Date: March 28 2007
Subject: Fwd: Cancellation confirmed

Chloe,
I just got the confirmation, so there’s no going back now. I hope it feels good, knowing the wedding is definitely off.

By the way, mark your calendar for June 14th. Your father and I are going to throw a fabulous 32nd anniversary party for ourselves.

Love,
Mom

Forwarded Message:

Dear Mrs. Langley,
As requested, your cancellation for a wedding reception on Saturday, March 31st from 6PM to Midnight has been processed. As agreed per our contract, the deposit of $1500 is non-refundable. However, if you wish put that money toward an event with us sometime within the next year, please let us know. We still have some dates open.

We wish you well.
Sincerely,

Patty Korliss
Edina Country Club Events Coordinator

To: bethanyjones45@hotmail.com
From: chloelangley@origingifts.biz
Date: March 28 2007
Subject: Hawaii

Beth…
I miss you. I know you’re still mad, but I hope you haven’t cancelled your trip yet. I need to see you. I think I might be falling apart, and the only glue I know of is you.

Actually, speaking of cancelled, my wedding is. I did it. Contacted all the relatives, friends, etc, except for you, Ward, and Owen. I didn’t contact Ward for obvious reasons; Owen said he doesn’t want to see or talk to me anymore, and you… well, I didn’t want to give you an excuse for not flying out here.

Because I have a proposition for you. I paid my parents for the trip to Hawaii leaving on April 1st. Want to go? We could lie on the beach, drink Mai Tais, and erase all memory of the men in our lives. What do you think? Please say yes.

Love,
Chloe

To: chloelangley@origingifts.biz
From: bethanyjones45@hotmail.com
Date: March 28 2007
Subject: Re. Hawaii

Chloe –
The only way I could go to Hawaii is if I quit my nanny job. Things have been strained lately, and I think they’re looking for a reason to get rid of me. That’s okay though, I never wanted to be doing this for long anyway.

I could go to you with Hawaii, then move back to Minneapolis. I’m starting to hate New York. And don’t judge me, but I need to be closer to Owen. He said some things that make me believe we might have a future after all.

So anyway, YES, let’s go be beach bums for a week, and while we’re there we can try to fix each other’s screwed up lives.

By the way, I’m sorry about everything – how things turned out with Ward, and how I treated you lately. Forgive me?

Love,
Bethany

LAUREL OSTERKAMP
author of FOLLOWING MY TOES
www.laurelosterkamp.com

COPYRIGHT LAUREL OSTERKAMP 2007. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

Looking For Ward 3/27/07

2007-03-26T16:49:00.000-07:00

To: chloelangley@origingifts.biz
From: owenphilps@yahoo.com
Date: March 27 2007
Subject: Not about us

Hi Chloe.

I know I am supposed to wait to hear from you. But what I have to say supersedes that and once you read this I think you’ll agree. This is complicated, so bare with me.

1. For everyone’s sake, including our own, I think we should see and talk to each other as little as possible. Of course we will run into each other in the next few days if your wedding happens as planned. And, if you and Ward do get married, we’ll have to deal with each other from time to time. But other than that, we can’t be friends. Too much has happened for us to have a casual relationship, so I believe it’s an all or nothing sort of deal. Once you are past all this wedding business and have a chance to see straight, I’m sure you’ll agree.
2. Ward still loves you. Don’t ask me how I know this, because I can’t tell you. But he’s fine, he’s thinking about you, and I’m guessing he still wants to marry you. So what do you think? Will you take him back?
3. Finally, I have a favor to ask. Please don’t tell Bethany about what happened between us. It will serve no purpose other than to hurt her. I’m trying to feel the way about her that she wants me to, and I think I can get there. It’s the way it is supposed to be – you with Ward, me with Bethany.

So please respond, and take care.

Owen

To: owenphilps@yahoo.com
From: chloelangley@origingifts.biz
Date: March 27 2007
Subject: Re. Not about us

Owen…
Thanks so much. I was feeling confused and alone, and your e-mail made me feel so much better. Now everything is as clear as mud.

DID YOU HEAR FROM WARD??!!??

If you did, and you’re not telling me, I swear to God I will wring your neck so hard that you’ll no longer have a place to put your head. And that’s just the beginning.

You don’t want to see or talk to me, fine. That’s FINE! Blame this all on me, hate me the way you hated me after I slept with your brother. But don’t tell me what I can or can’t say to my best friend. And by the way, I think she deserves better than a guy who is “trying to have the right feelings” for her. Just leave her alone and move on already. You can’t stand to give up the security of her friendship, and you’re too weak to go for something you really want. Call it loyalty, but you wanted me for a long time and you did nothing until now. Now that something has finally happened you want to bail and go back to the status quo. Why? Why are you so afraid of conflict? I understand not wanting to hurt people. But I also believe we have a responsibility to ourselves. And I intend to do what I need to do in order to be happy. If you think that’s selfish, well maybe you’re right, and we really don’t belong together.

Anyway, if we’re no longer friends than it is none of your business how I feel about Ward. All I’m going to say is that I have made some major decisions about Ward, the wedding, and my life in general, and at one point they may have included you. However, now you will just have to hear about them second hand, and I expect at some point you will.

I’d tell you take care, but since we are no longer friends, what’s the point?

-Chloe

LAUREL OSTERKAMP
author of FOLLOWING MY TOES
www.laurelosterkamp.com

COPYRIGHT LAUREL OSTERKAMP 2007. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

Looking For Ward 3/25 & 3/26

2007-03-25T14:47:00.000-07:00

To: chloelangley@origingifts.biz
From: owenphilps@yahoo.com
Date: March 25th 2006
Subject: No Subject

Chloe,
How are you? You’ve been sort of quiet.

I’m not complaining. Maybe it’s better if we don’t talk about the other night. At least not until after your wedding day.

I think there’s a lot at stake here, and people are at risk of getting hurt.
You most of all.

I’m not asking you to make any big decisions or to tell to me how you feel about me. I don’t really expect you to know how you feel about me. But (and I ask this as a friend), how do you feel about Ward? Do you still love him? If he still wants to marry you, will the wedding happen?

The last thing I want to do is put pressure on you. I still feel terrible about what happened. Not because I didn’t enjoy it or because I don’t have feelings for you, but because the timing is all off. And I’m not sure that the timing wasn’t the only problem, but separate that from how I feel about you, and everything is still confused.

Anyway, call me. Please.

Owen

To: owenphilps@yahoo.com
From: chloelangley@origingifts.biz
Date: March 25 2006
Subject: Re. No Subject

Owen –
I can’t call you. Sorry. There is just too much going on right now, my mother is pressuring me to make all these decisions about the wedding and Ward, and according to her I’m already two days late. I can’t think about Ward and you at the same time. I hope you can understand. I promise I will call as soon as I have something worth saying.

Love,
Chloe

To: lois_langley@yahoo.com
From: chloelangley@origingifts.biz
Date: March 25th 2007
Subject: I’ve made some decisions

Hi Mom.
I tried calling you this morning, but your cell must be turned off, and I know how bad you are about checking messages. Anyway, I need to talk to you, in person.
I was up all night last night – couldn’t sleep if my life depended on it. But I came to some decisions. Not just about Ward and the wedding, but everything. The store, my jewelry, the direction of my life. I think it’s best if you, Dad, and I sit down and talk. Can I come over tonight? Can you call me as soon as you get this?
Love (very much)
-Chloe

To: bethanyjones45@hotmail.com
From: owenphilps@yahoo.com
Date: March 26th 2007
Subject: plans

Hey…
When do you get into town? Will I see you? I would like to, even though you’re probably still mad. But forget what I said about Chloe – I don’t know what I was thinking when I told you I loved her. Probably just a case of wanting what I can’t have.
Please see me. I’ve had time to regret everything I’ve said and done.
And I’m ready to grovel.
Love,
Owen

To: owenphilps@yahoo.com
From: whoskins@lycos.com
Date: March 26th 2007
Subject: Hi

Hi Owen.
Hope all is well.
First, I owe you an apology. That night I spilled my guts to you I never let on what I was actually planning to do. Taking off like I did was something I had been thinking about for a while.

I just got scared, and things were piling up, and then Janey laid all this pressure and guilt… I know this excuses nothing.

But I’m wondering what all you’ve told Chloe. Did you tell her everything? Part of it? I won’t blame you if you did, but I need to know before I contact her.
Does she still want to marry me? I’ve had a lot of time to think, and despite everything I still love her. But I need to know if she still loves me before I come back.
Please let me know…and please do it without letting her know that you’ve heard from me. You’re the only one I can ask – Bethany would blow my cover instantly. But you also know that I’d do the same for you. Friends till the end, right?
I’ll talk to you soon, and I promise I will supply all sorts of details.
Take care Man,
Ward.

To: owenphilps@yahoo.com
From: bethanyjones45@hotmail.com
Date: March 26th 2007
Subject: Re: Plans

Owen…
You don’t have to beg me to see you. Just promise me that you won’t be seeing Chloe. You know how I feel about you, but I don’t yet trust how you feel about her. I hope you understand, but if you want to be “friends” with me, you can’t be friends with her too. It’s a lot to ask, I know. But it’s my one and only condition.
Let me know…

Bethany

LAUREL OSTERKAMP
author of FOLLOWING MY TOES
www.laurelosterkamp.com

COPYRIGHT LAUREL OSTERKAMP 2007. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

Looking For Ward 3/24/07

2007-03-23T17:54:00.000-07:00

March 24th, 2007

Dear Ward,

Another letter you will probably never get. But I need to talk to someone, and right now my options are extremely limited.

My mother wants me to form a plan of action for our wedding day, deciding in advance what I will do both if you show up and if you don’t. I haven’t answered her yet, because I have no idea what to do. Things are so messed up right now that I can barely decide what to eat for breakfast, let alone who I should spend the rest of my life with.

I’m afraid Owen and I might be in love with each other. I never used to think it was possible to be in love with two people at once, but now I’m not so sure. Not that it’s getting me anywhere. You would think with two guys in the picture I wouldn’t feel so alone, but the opposite is true.

Meanwhile, I can’t talk to Bethany either. She’s devastated about Owen. I don’t know what makes someone’s heart beat for someone else; I suppose it would be easier if we could choose who we love. But we both know that’s not possible.

I need to finally admit to myself that things were weird between us before you left. That argument we had about kids – I just didn’t understand why you wouldn’t want to have them. Now, knowing what a screwed up childhood you had it makes more sense. Yet lately when I’ve been trying to hate you, my mind is filled instead with memories of all our good times, like when you took me fishing, or when you took care of me when I had the flu. Or Florida. I have entire mental photo albums devoted to our relationship, and my mind refuses to stop paging through them.

I worry that all we have left are our memories. I’m beginning to wonder if you are part of an entire phase of my life that it’s time to leave behind. I guess I’m just trying to figure out if I do still love you, or if I’m holding onto something that is already gone. If you happen to know the answer, please let me know. It will help me form the plan of action that my mother wanted me to have completed yesterday.

Where are you? I need you to come back.
Love (I think, still…)
Chloe

LAUREL OSTERKAMP
author of FOLLOWING MY TOES
www.laurelosterkamp.com

COPYRIGHT LAUREL OSTERKAMP 2007. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

Looking For Ward 3/22 - 3/23/07

2007-03-22T17:05:00.000-07:00

To read the 3/22 installment (where Owen stops by Chloe's apartment...) go to www.laurelosterkamp.com

Here's the 3/23 installment -

To: chloelangley@origingifts.biz
From: lois_langley@yahoo.com
Date: March 23 2007
Subject: countdown

Good Morning, Hon.
You’re father and I talked last night, and we both agree, we need a plan of action for the next few days. Once we got over the initial shock and anger of all the lies and half-truths you’ve been telling us, we began to realize how difficult the last few weeks must have been for you. That doesn’t forgive or excuse your behavior, but for now we are going to look past it so we can all make it through the next week. Now, you know your father isn’t big on apologies, so let me just say that from the both of us, we’re sorry about the unkind things we said the other night. Perhaps you are right to be holding on. We know how much you love Ward, and God willing, he’s okay and will come to his senses and return ASAP.

However, all the good thoughts in the world will not change the cold, hard facts. And the fact is, you are in a very unusual situation here, and it is time to make some decisions. You father and I will not begrudge the money we have spent on this wedding even if there is no wedding, but we do need something from you, and that is for you to make up your mind about the following:
1. What exactly will we tell people (and I mean people like your great-aunt Ermine, who is not very understanding) if Ward doesn’t show? Remember, a lot of people are spending a lot of money on plane tickets and hotel rooms come to here for this wedding. They will need an explanation.
2. How long do we wait before we cancel the wedding? 24 hours before? 48 hours? Please don’t say something like 10 minutes before, Chloe. This isn’t a Julia Roberts movie, and I don’t want you walking down the aisle if there is no groom to meet you.
3. If Ward doesn’t show, how are we going to track him down and make him pay for both the emotional and financial hardship that he is inflicting on us?
4. Finally, and most importantly, if he DOES show, what are you going to do? Under what conditions will you take him back? It is very important that you think about this NOW, because the closer you get to your wedding day, the more emotional and stressed you are going to be, and you don’t want to make a life-altering decision based on a whim of the moment.

So please think about all this and get back to me. And remember, no matter what, we love you.

Mom

P.S. You are going through with the shower, by the way. I expect you to do so with a smile on your face.

LAUREL OSTERKAMP
author of FOLLOWING MY TOES
www.laurelosterkamp.com

COPYRIGHT LAUREL OSTERKAMP 2007. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

Looking For Ward 3/21/07

2007-03-20T18:01:00.000-07:00

To: chloelangley@origingifts.biZ
From: bethanyjones45@hotmail.com
March 21 2007
Subject: difficult

Chloe,
It’s 3 am and I just got off the phone with Owen. We had a marathon conversation, and we broke up for the last time, finally, completely, for good.

You’re probably thinking that we couldn’t break up if we weren’t actually together, but you’re wrong. We were still together in my mind, and in my heart I believed he was the one. The sad part is I still believe he is the one for me, but I no longer believe I’m the one for him.

He loves you. He never actually said it, but he wouldn’t deny it when I asked him.

It’s not your fault, and I’m not even angry at you for kissing him. But I can’t forgive you yet for capturing the love of the one guy I’ve ever really wanted. The fact that you weren’t trying to make him love you only makes it worse.

I know you need me right now, and I will try to be there for you in a few days when I get into town. But do me a favor, and don’t call me before then. I just need some time to digest all this.

Sorry to do this via e-mail. It’s too late (or early) to call, and I needed to get this out before I lost my nerve. I may be both physically and emotionally exhausted, but deep down I know that if I keep this buried, we’ll both regret it eventually.

We’ll talk in person when I get into town.

Love You (still),
Bethany

LAUREL OSTERKAMP
author of FOLLOWING MY TOES
www.laurelosterkamp.com

COPYRIGHT LAUREL OSTERKAMP 2007. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

Looking For Ward 3/20/07

2007-03-19T17:23:00.000-07:00

To: owenphilps@yahoo.com
From: bethanyjones45@hotmail.com
Date: March 20 2007
Subject: What Happened?

Owen ,
I got this strange e-mail from Chloe where she said, quote – “I am weak, capricious, and unsure of absolutely everything and most everyone in my life.”

What the hell?

Now she won’t return my e-mails or my calls, claiming she’s going to work on her jewelry and not worry about the wedding. I don’t know what is up with her, but here is what I do know:
1.) Her wedding is in 11 days.
2.) Her shower is in 6, and I sent her some lovely mauve towels since I can’t be there.
3.) I’m coming into town in 9 days, and on the night I get in I’m supposed to take her out for her bachelorette party.
4.) When Ward supposedly shows up and they supposedly get married, you and I are supposedly going to stand up with them as their best friend while they declare their love to each other and the world.

Now my question is this:
Did you and Chloe hook up while you were out of town, or did you just want to?

To: bethanyjones45@hotmail.com
From: owenphilps@yahoo.com
Date: March 20
Subject: Re: What Happened?

Bethany,
I could play games and tell you nothing happened, but you always see through me. So I’ll just be honest, mostly to save us both a lot of time and energy. We kissed briefly. We were both sad and confused. It didn’t mean anything, so don’t be mad at Chloe.

After the kiss we both went into our separate hotel rooms, and the next morning we drove back, barely talking the whole way.

Owen

To: owenphilps@yahoo.com
From: bethanyjones45@hotmail.com
Date: March 20 2007
Subject: Re: What Happened?

You doubt it meant much to Chloe, or to you?

To: bethanyjones45@hotmail.com
From: owenphilps@yahoo.com
Date: March 20
Subject: Re: What Happened?

What difference does it make, and why do you care?

To: owenphilps@yahoo.com
From: bethanyjones45@hotmail.com
Date: March 20 2007
Subject: Re: What Happened?

How can you even ask me that? You know very well why I care. Pardon me for being so petty, but you broke up with me because of your mother. Don’t you think you’re being a little hypocritical now?

To: bethanyjones45@hotmail.com
From: owenphilps@yahoo.com
Date: March 20
Subject: Re: What Happened?

Sorry, but I don’t see the connection. And you’ve got it wrong. We fought about my mother. I broke up with you because the feelings just weren’t there for me anymore. I hate to be so harsh, but as we’re being so honest today, I may as well.

To: owenphilps@yahoo.com
From: bethanyjones45@hotmail.com
Date: March 20 2007
Subject: Re: What Happened?

I always thought one day you’d realize the mistake you made by letting me go. I don’t know what hurts more, that you don’t love me, or that you might love Chloe.

To: bethanyjones45@hotmail.com
From: owenphilps@yahoo.com
Date: March 20
Subject: Re: What Happened?

I don’t know what to tell you. Chloe and I are just friends, and you and I were over a long time ago.

To: owenphilps@yahoo.com
From: bethanyjones45@hotmail.com
Date: March 20 2007
Subject: Re: What Happened?

We’ve been over for a long time? Is that really what you think? You still call me every time something is wrong, or you need to talk, or you can’t sleep, or something good has happened, or the weather sucks, or WHATEVER. You’re still the person I trust more than anyone. Before I moved to New York you were my emergency contact, for God’s sake. I’ve watched as relationship after relationship hasn’t worked out for you, and I always secretly hoped it was because you still loved me. Yet I’ve always secretly feared it was because you actually love Chloe. And you do, don’t you? I mean, you and Chloe have NEVER been friends. So the fact that you’re now claiming to be, well, that speaks volumes.

Good bye, Owen.
Bethany

To: bethanyjones45@hotmail.com
From: owenphilps@yahoo.com
Date: March 20
Subject: Re: What Happened?

I’m sorry.

Look, I’ll call you tonight. This isn’t a conversation we should be having via e-mail.

LAUREL OSTERKAMP
author of FOLLOWING MY TOES
www.laurelosterkamp.com

COPYRIGHT LAUREL OSTERKAMP 2007. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

Looking For Ward 3/18 and 3/19

2007-03-18T16:59:00.000-07:00

To read the 3/18 installment of Looking For Ward, visit my website, www.laurelosterkamp.com

Here's the 3/19 installment:

To: chloelangley@origingifts.biz
From: owenphilps@yahoo.com
Date: March 19 2007
Subject: what happened
Chloe,
I know I was quiet on our drive home – just had no idea what to say to you. I’m not mad and I hope you’re not either. I just lost my head for a minute. If you forgive me I promise it will never happen again.
Good luck deciding what to do about Ward. I still think you should give him another chance.
Take care,
Owen

To: bethanyjones45@hotmail.com
From: chloelangley@origingifts.biz
Date: March 19 2007
Subject: a mess
Bethany –
Sorry I didn’t call you last night. I got your message, but frankly, I was too tired and depressed to talk. If ever I’ve been down for the count, it’s now. I have no idea what I should do, not that I really have any options.

By the way, did Owen ever tell you the story about how Ward saved him freshman year? Am I the only one who didn’t know?

I was going to call the whole engagement off until Owen told me that story. But now I can’t; somehow I can’t bring myself to do that to Ward, despite what he’s putting me through. I know that makes me an idiot. But what if he shows up with a good explanation? Besides, where else am I going to find someone who forgives my many flaws the way Ward does? If he can put up with everything I’ve put him through, surely I can get through this disappearance of his.

As for what happened this weekend, I’m not going to go into details. The Cliff Notes version is I discovered Ward has a secret identity, and that he and Owen are both really good at confusing me. Oh, and I’m weak, capricious, and unsure of absolutely everything and most everyone in my life. Hopefully you like me anyway.

The one thing I do know is I need to finish my jewelry for this art show. Somehow when I’m working on it all my problems melt away. I wish I had more time for it. Anyway, for the next few days I’m going to hibernate and think of nothing else except how to blend silver, amethyst, and platinum into something unique and beautiful. And, in 12 days if Ward hasn’t shown, then everyone who does show up for our wedding will be surprised, but treated to a fabulous party nonetheless.

The one concession I will make is telling my parents about what’s going on. In fact, I’m going to sign off now and give them a call. Wish me luck!
Chloe

LAUREL OSTERKAMP
AUTHOR OF FOLLOWING MY TOES
www.laurelosterkamp.com

COPYRIGHT LAUREL OSTERKAMP 2007. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

Looking For Ward 3/17/07

2007-03-16T18:16:00.000-07:00

March 17th, 2007

Dear Ward,

Even if I knew where to send this to, I don’t know that I would send it. What I learned today makes me so sad and crazy I feel like I’ll spontaneously combust at any moment. Boom! No more Chloe. If that happened, you wouldn’t even know about it though, now would you? So what I want to know is, are there more lies that you have been covering up, or do they stop at the ones about your name, childhood, and family life?

Today Owen drove me to your real hometown, and I met your parents. Funny, for being dead (as you had told me they were) they sure seemed awfully ALIVE! They were certainly capable of speaking – and they spoke quite a bit! You’d be amazed at what they told me. It seems you have spent time in juvenile hall, dropped out of high school, and ran away from home when you were seventeen. Oh, and your name isn’t Ward Sanders. If I ever see you again should I start calling you Will Sampson? Did you choose your new name so you wouldn’t have to order different monogrammed towels?

Your parents swore up and down that they haven’t heard from you for the last 14 years. That would make you 31 years old; another lie, huh? Where do they end? Perhaps when I find out where the hell you’ve been all this time the deception can stop. Of course, I will have to kill you after I finally find out the truth. But it will all work eventually.

Oh Ward. I never would have cared had you told me the truth from the beginning. But why did you keep all this hidden? How could you think we could possibly start a life together if you hadn’t been honest with me about the most basic stuff? Maybe you thought I wouldn’t love you anymore. If that’s the truth, then I fear for our relationship all the more.

I don’t know where you are or when you’ll be back. But I have to break up with you, now. I thought maybe writing it out would make my decision feel more real. And I need you to know, I’m not ending things because of what I found out, but because I didn’t find it from you.

So tomorrow when I get back into town I’ll tell my parents first, then I’ll notify the church and the caterers and the band and I’ll send out a big mass e-mail to all our guests. Of course they’ll all want to know where you are and I’ll have to tell them the truth. Then everyone will think I’m awful for keeping your absence hidden for so long.

That’s not the worst part though. The worst part is I’m breaking up with you via a letter that you’ll probably never even read. I think I’m going to go bawl my eyes out now.

Love,
Chloe

LAUREL OSTERKAMP
AUTHOR OF FOLLOWING MY TOES
www,laurelosterkamp.com

COPYRIGHT LAUREL OSTERKAMP 2007. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

Looking For Ward 3/16/07

2007-03-15T17:07:00.000-07:00

To: bethanyjones45@hotmail.com
From: chloelangley@origingifts.biz
Date: March 16 2007
Subject: This weekend
Bethany -
I finally got Owen to agree to take me with him this weekend. He hadn’t responded to my e-mail yesterday so last night I called him. Our conversation was something like this:
Me: You never responded to my e-mail.
Owen: I had a busy day today.
Me: Oh, well, that’s okay. Just tell me what time we’re taking off on Saturday morning.
Owen: I still don’t think you should come.
Me: Why?!
Owen: Because you’re obviously not that committed to Ward.
Me: (stunned) Excuse me?
Owen: Chloe, I don’t know what you were thinking, but writing that you once were interested in me only makes me less on your side. This whole thing is about finding Ward. I’m only up for helping you if I think that you’re in this to help him. After reading what you wrote, I’m not convinced.
Me: Oh, come on! Owen, I only told you I was interested in you so you’d understand my motives. It was years ago…
Owen: You were being manipulative. You thought you’d get what you want by appealing to my ego.
Me: That is so unfair! Look, if I wasn’t up for helping Ward I wouldn’t be begging you to let me come. I actually have a lot of work to do.
Owen: In your daddy’s store?
Me: Well, yeah, and on my jewelry. I have to prepare a piece for a gallery showing. This is a big deal for me, and it couldn’t be happening at a worse time.
Owen: I didn’t know you still did jewelry.
Me: There’s a lot you don’t know. You think you’re so above us all, Owen.
Owen: Not true. I think less of myself than I think of most people.
Me: Except me?
Owen: (long pause) I’ve always thought a lot of you, Chloe. That’s why I’m so hard on you. You could be a lot more.
Me: A lot more than what?
Owen: A lot more than a woman who works at a store she doesn’t care about and is engaged to a guy who ran off a month before their wedding with no explanation.
Me: Ouch.
(longer pause)
Owen: Sometimes the truth hurts. (longest pause) Look – if you really want to come with me, be at my place Saturday morning at 7:00. Bring coffee.

Then he hung up. So I guess we’re going to look for Ward this weekend. I know I should feel like I’ve made some progress, but what he said to me still stings.

Talk to you soon.
Love,
Chloe

To: chloelangley@origingifts.biz
From: bethanyjones45@hotmail.com
March 16 2007
Subject: Re: this weekend
Chloe,
I guess I’m happy that you got what you wanted. But be careful. Just remember that you are in this to find Ward, not to finally gain Owen’s approval. Also remember that it is very uncool to sleep with your best friend’s ex, who also happens to be the best friend of your absentee fiancé. I’m just saying…
So don’t be mad.
Love,
Bethany.

To: bethanyjones45@hotmail.com
From: chloelangley@origingifts.biz
Date: March 16 2007
Subject: Re: This weekend
Bethany –
I’m mad.
How can you even suggest that I’d sleep with Owen? I love Ward. And I love you. Come on!
I’ll let you know how everything went when we get back.
-Chloe

Looking For Ward 3/15/07

2007-03-14T17:36:00.000-07:00

To: owenphilps@yahoo.com
From: chloelangley@origingifts.biz
Date: March 15 2007
Subject: Bethany forwarded me your e-mails
Owen –
Bethany can come up with some pretty zany ideas. I don’t know where she got the notion that you have feelings for me, but I realize how crazy that is. So please, PLEASE, don’t hold what Bethany thinks against me.

Also, I’m sorry about the other night. I just really need some answers. Owen, I know how much Ward depends on and trusts you, and I also know you’d never betray that. Maybe one day I’ll do something that inspires such devotion from you, but in the meantime, perhaps you could give me a little on good faith? You’re the only person who can help me.

Which is why I am going to confess something to you – in the hope that by doing so, you will finally forgive me for hurting Ward.

So here it is: back in college I liked you before I liked Ward. I actually had a pretty big crush on you for a few days, and I guess it was powerful enough to haunt me from time to time. I still remember meeting you. You were wearing a green and blue rugby shirt with dirt stains and your hair was sticking up in different directions. I was looking for a place to sit in the crowded dining hall and you offered to let me share a table with you and Ward. You were eating cereal for dinner and Ward was angry because your team had beat his at touch football. Then Ward started flirting with me and I always suspected that you didn’t compete because he was already in such a lousy mood. And I thought to myself, “Who are these guys, and why would I want to get with the moody one?” But Ward was the one who asked for my phone number, which I gave to him partly because I thought maybe you would be the one to call.

We both know that’s not how it turned out. And obviously it’s for the best, because once I got past his quirks I fell in love with all his good qualities, like how resilient and kind and smart he is. But Ward and I had our ups and downs, and I was thinking of breaking up with him even before that time with your brother. Meeting Jack was like going back in time; he was a younger version of you. I felt as though it was freshman year all over again, and I was back at our table in the dining hall, only this time I could make myself clear and you would be more than a friend. Not that it excuses my actions, but it’s what I was thinking at the time.

Don’t get me wrong. I love Ward. Just last night I was asking myself why I’m still holding on. I couldn’t form an answer that consisted of words. Instead I just kept thinking of the time I made spaghetti and accidentally dropped the entire bowl on his kitchen floor. He had spent the day scrubbing it, and I thought he’d be pissed. But he wasn’t. Ward just got out some parmesan cheese and two forks. He handed one to me, and we sat down and ate. After we were done, we did other things on that kitchen floor. I won’t go into detail, but it was one of the best nights we ever had together. It’s why I think we’re supposed to be together. Ward offers me everything I really need: security, acceptance, and love. And I believe I’m good for him as well. He needs someone, and God knows he hasn’t had good luck with his parents dying so young.

Speaking of parents, mine will be back in a couple of days, and I’ll need to finalize the wedding plans with them. I’ve been able to stall them up until now, but they’re going to figure out soon that Ward isn’t around. I can’t keep up this charade much longer. But even more than that, if there is something I should know about, either with Ward’s past or where he is right now, I’m begging you to tell me. Even if you don’t particularly like me, at least you could put yourself in my place and realize how much is at stake here. I don’t want to make a mistake that could ruin Ward’s life, or my own.

Please Owen, let me come with you this weekend to look for Ward. On the way to wherever we’re going, you can tell me what you know. I’m not going to give up until you agree.

Love,
Chloe

Laurel Osterkamp

author of Following My Toes

www.laurelosterkamp.com

Looking For Ward 3/11-3/14

2007-03-14T06:58:00.000-07:00

To: chloelangley@origingifts.biz
From: bethanyjones45@hotmail.com
March 11 2007
Subject: Owen again

Chloe,

I’ve been thinking about our conversation ever since we got off the phone yesterday. I agree with you that Owen ought to tell you what he knows, but I can’t really give you any tips on how to get him to do that. He can be a hard nut to crack. He’s never really cared about being liked, but if he likes someone than he’ll go to great lengths to make that person happy. I think it has to do with how badly his dad used to treat his mom; he’ll do anything not to turn into his father.

Anyway, believe it or not, he likes you. I know he doesn’t always show it, but he does. Don’t believe me?

Several years ago, when Owen and I were still living together – and you and Ward weren’t together at all - we were going to have a party, and I really wanted to invite both of you. Owen said no, it has to be one or the other. I thought that was an immature attitude, and told him so. Owen got all bent out of shape, how dare I call him immature! He just didn’t want anyone to feel uncomfortable; couldn’t I see that he was just looking out for everyone’s feelings?
I said, “Owen, don’t you think their feelings will be hurt if we don’t invite both of them? How do we get around that? We just invite them both, and let them know there is a possibility that the other one will be there.”

But he kept saying no, that wouldn’t work.

Finally, after much argument, I lost my temper and just cried, “Well then we just won’t have a party at all!”

The next day Owen told me he had an idea – we could have two parties, and invite each of you to one of them. I said, “Isn’t it sort of ridiculous to have two parties, just to save them from a little bit of awkwardness, embarrassment, or hurt feelings?”

And Owen simply said, “No.”

So we had two parties. I thought it was pretty silly, until I began to think of all the other times Owen has gone out of his way to avoid conflict. I realized he does it a lot, although it may not seem like it because he comes off as being kind of abrasive. But his dad’s main source of entertainment is making other people feel uncomfortable; I noticed this whenever I went to their house for holidays. He liked to tease and embarrass Owen and his brother a lot, but he really picked on Owen’s mother. And if ever there was a mama’s boy, it’s Owen. There’s nothing he wouldn’t do for her. More than anything, he is intensely loyal, and if you do something to offend someone he cares about then it takes a really long time for him to forgive you. (Which as you know, is why we broke up!)

I hope that helps. Hang in there.
Love,
Bethany

To: chloelangley@origingifts.biz
From: randy_langley@yahoo.com
Date: March 11 2007
Subject: Insurance again

You never answered my e-mail. What do you want to do about adding Owen on?

Dad

To: randy_langley@yahoo.com
From: chloelangley@origingifts.biz
Date: March 11 2007
Subject: Re: Insurance again

Hi Dad.

Sorry I didn’t get back to you. Ward is being kind of weird about the insurance thing. Chalk it up to masculine pride. Let me talk to him about it more and I’ll get back to you. There’s plenty of time.

Love,
Chloe
To: bethanyjones45@hotmail.com
From: chloelangley@origingifts.biz
Date: March 11 2007
Subject: call me Veronica Mars
Bethany –
Thanks for the lowdown on Owen. I guess I feel a little better.

But I’m not going to try and contact him. I’ve decided to smoke out the whole Ward mystery on my own. The first thing I did was go to the club where he works. I went this morning, and this blonde tootsie was working at the personal trainer desk. Her nametag read “Mandy”. Wouldn’t you know she would be named Mandy? Our conversation went something like this:

Mandy – Hello. Are you here to set up an appointment for personal training?
Me – Um, actually, I just have a question.
Mandy – Sure, how can I help?
Me – Well, I’m looking for Ward, who works here. Have you heard from him at all?
Mandy – Gosh, no! He hasn’t been in for like, forever… (she looks through the appointment book) and he doesn’t have any clients scheduled for the next few weeks.
Me – Did he quit?
Mandy – Um, I don’t know. We sort of just work on like, a freelance sort of basis? He only gets paid if he has clients.
Me – Yeah, but surely if he was bailing for good he would have let someone know.
Mandy – Yeah… I don’t know. I only started about a week before he took off. But Janey might know something, she and Ward are pretty tight.
Me – Who’s Janey?
Mandy – Our yoga instructor.
Me – Does she take individual appointments?

Long story short, I’ve signed up for an hour long consultation with “Janey” who I guess is really “tight” with Ward, but whom he has never mentioned! Of course I’m wondering if this is the chick that Owen said Ward was “involved” with. I never got the idea Ward was cheating on me. But if he was, I’ll crucify them both. And get this – Janey’s standard rate for an hour long session is $85! She’d better have some good info for me! Hopefully Mandy won’t mention that I was in looking for Ward. I’d rather not have her know that I’m engaged to him… so I signed up for my session under the code name of “Zoe”. Pretty clever, huh?

The session is tonight, after I close the store. Then I really need to work on my jewelry.

Oh, and our hand-made party favors arrived today. They’re little bags of pastel colored mints tied with ribbons that were supposed to say, “Chloe and Ward, March 31 2007”. Only I have to send them back because they say, “Chloe and Word”. Can you believe it? Some people are so incompetent. So do you think I should get a refund or have them replaced? I wish I knew what to do. I’m going to kill Ward for this.
-Chloe

To: bethanyjones45@hotmail.com
From: chloelangley@origingifts.biz
Date: March 12 2007
Subject: All bent out of shape
Bethany –
So I show up for my yoga session, and the first thing Janey says to me is, “Oh hi! You must be Ward’s girlfriend. I always thought you were named Chloe, not Zoe.” She says this to me with this peaceful superior type grin, like she is above being embarrassed or uncomfortable about anything. She has long brown hair in twin braids, is super tan (but not fake, orange tan), and she’s wearing these yoga pants and midriff-barring sports top that shows off her perfect figure. In other words, I hate her instantly.

She goes on to tell me that Ward showed her a picture of me, and Mandy had mentioned that I was in looking for Ward, so she of course put two and two together. Then she says, “Let’s grab a yoga pad and do some stretching out.”

I follow her lead and soon we’re facing each other on the floor. She says, “Now Mandy made it clear to you that my clients are all pretty experienced in yoga, right?”

I’m like, “Sure.”

“Great!” she says. “Then let’s do a real workout! I hope you’re ready to have some fun.”

We have the studio to ourselves. She turns on this Enya-type music, and pretty soon she’s leading me through various positions like “down dog” and “worshiping the sun”. Only she assumes I know what these positions mean when she barks them out. I try to pretend that I do, and take a guess at how I should move or stand. But if I get it wrong, and most of the time I do, she shoves me into the correct position. I’m on my back with my legs over my head, trying to touch my toes to the floor, when Janey comes over and stands above me.

“You’re doing great, Zoe. Ward never told me how good you are at yoga.”
“Yeah?” I say with a gasp. “Well, Ward didn’t know I do yoga, that’s why.”
“It sounds like you and Ward keep a lot from each other.”
With as much dignity as possible, I manage to get my ass out of the air and onto the floor.
“Zoe,” she says, her voice matching the new-age music in its tone, “We’re not done yet. You need to stretch out your entire your body in order to become centered.”
I stand up and face her. “Come off it, Janey. You and I both know I’m not here for the yoga.”
She smiles. “You’re hoping I can tell you where Ward is.”
I gulp. I am reminded of the time in Jr. High when Missy Braxton stole my underwear while I was taking a shower after gym class. I had to beg her afterwards to let me know where it was. Then I remembered – I’m not some poor, wet Jr. High girl wrapped in a towel. I’m me, and this is too important to give into weakness.
“Yeah,” I say. “I’m worried about him. For some reason Mandy seems to think you might know something. So maybe you could pretend to be a nice person for a minute or two and help me out?”
“Why didn’t you just call me? Signing up for a yoga session is an awfully expensive way of going about this. And what’s with the fake name?”
“I thought you’d be more forthcoming if you didn’t know who I was.”
“Why? Why would I care? It’s not like Ward and I are involved or anything.”
“That’s not what I was suggesting.”
“Yeah, right.” She laughs, and goes to turn off the music and undims the lights. She stands by the door, as if to indicate it’s time for both of us to leave. “Ward is a great guy, and anything he told me is confidential. If I were you, I’d be more worried about myself than Ward.”
“Thanks for the advice. Do you know where he is, or not?”
Janey just gives me one more of her ethereal smiles, says “Don’t forget to pay on your way out,” and walks away.
What a tart! This is not the end of this, let me tell you. She obviously knows something, and why she’s not willling to fess up is beyond me. But there are 19 days left to my wedding. I’m going to get whatever it is out her. Soon.
I have my methods.
Tomorrow I have to confirm with the caterers. Wednesday I go in for my final dress fitting. My shower is in less than two weeks.
I think I’m losing my mind.
Love,
Chloe

To: chloelangley@origingifts.biz
From: lois_langley@yahoo.com
Date: March 13th
Subject: Mints

Hon,
I’ve thought about it, and I think we should insist they redo the gift bags. After all, it’s their mistake, and having mints that aren’t in bags is a little tacky. Besides, it’s your day and I want everything to be perfect.

What time is your fitting tomorrow? My day is pretty light, so I think I can come with. Is Ward back in town yet?

Love,
Mom

To: bethanyjones45@hotmail.com
From: chloelangley@origingifts.biz
Date: March 13 2007
Subject: Chicken Rollatini or Beef Wellington?
Bethany –
I’m supposed to be meeting with the caterers in 15 minutes to confirm the menu and to pay in advance (non-refundable). I want the Chicken Rollatini and Ward wanted the beef Wellington – it’s sort of been a point of contention between us. But you know what? The other day I read in In Style that the big thing now is to have appetizer buffets instead. Maybe I’ll make a last minute change. I mean, who doesn’t love bruschetta and mini eggrolls?

Have you heard from Owen at all? Just curious…
Love,
Chloe

To: chloelangley@origingifts.biz
From: bethanyjones45@hotmail.com
March 13 2007
Subject: Re. Chicken Rollatini or Beef Wellington?
Chloe,
Go with the appetizers. That way (and I hate to say it) if the wedding doesn’t happen, you can throw some sort of cocktail party to celebrate how fabulously single you are. Does that sound callous? Don’t be mad. I’ll be there for you no matter what.

As for Owen, I actually talked to him last night. He still calls me when he can’t sleep. But he didn’t tell me any secrets about Ward. Honest. Not that I didn’t try to pry them out of him. However, he did tell me he’s going out of town on Friday. I got the feeling it was to go and look for Ward.
Hope that helps.
Bethany

To: bethanyjones45@hotmail.com
From: chloelangley@origingifts.biz
Date: March 13 2007
Subject: Re: Chicken Rollatini or Beef Wellington?
Bethany –
I never made it to the caterers. I meant to drive there, but somehow I wound up at the Y instead. I walked in and found Janey hanging out at the front desk, flirting with the young buck who was manning it.
She saw me and said, “Are you back for more yoga?”
I said, “No, I’m back to finish our conversation. How about I buy you lunch?”
We went to the smoothie place down the street, where I bought her a health explosion special and a carrot cake bar, which she told me is what she eats for lunch everyday. Then she says to me, “Look, I’m only here because I have no money and I wanted lunch. Believe me, there’s nothing else I can tell you.”
I respond with, “Then how about this? I’m going to ask you a series of questions, and you can answer with a yes or a no. That’s not too hard is it?”
She said, “Why would I want to answer your questions?”
I said, “Because I’m not going to leave you alone until you do. I’m very good at harassing people, especially when they have something I want – like information.
I think something about my near insane state caused her to feel just a little bit in danger, so she relented.
Here were the questions.
Are you and Ward sleeping together? Answer – no
Do you know anything about Ward’s childhood? Answer – not really
Have you heard from Ward in the last 13 days? Answer – no
Do you know where Ward is? Answer – yes.
Where the hell is he?
“That’s not a yes or no question,” she said.
“Come on!” I cried. “Just tell me!”
She throws away her now empty smoothie cup and turns to face me. “I’m not telling you anything. Ward’s where he wants to be, and I have to honor that.”
What’s with this “having to honor” Ward’s wishes? Owen used that line on me too, and it’s really getting on my nerves.
Anyway, Janey pushes her way out of the smoothie shop and was walking down the street. I caught up with her.
“Okay,” I said. “One other question. Are you in love with Ward?”
She sighs and said, “Yes.”
“Is he in love with you?”
“That’s two more questions,” she said. She picked up her pace, and I let her go.

I need to call the caterers. I’m thinking you’re right, I’ll go with the appetizer buffet.
Love,
Chloe

To: owenphilps@yahoo.com
From: chloelangley@origingifts.biz
Date: March 13 2007
Subject: Your trip
Owen –
Bethany told me you’re going out of town this Friday. Is it to find Ward? Because if it is, I’m coming with you.
Love,
Chloe

To: bethanyjones45@hotmail.com
From: owenphilps@yahoo.com
Date: March 14 2007
Subject: Chloe
Bethany,
Chloe came over to my house last night, demanding answers. Why did you tell her I was going out of town? Whose side are you on?

To: owenphilps@yahoo.com
From: bethanyjones45@hotmail.com
Date: March 14 2207
Subject: Re: Chloe
Owen,
I didn’t know this was about sides. You’re a good friend to Ward, but Chloe loves him. I think you should tell her what you know and let her help you find him.

To: bethanyjones45@hotmail.com
From: owenphilps@yahoo.com
Date: March 14
Subject: Re: Chloe
I think Chloe’s going to change her mind about Ward. If his disappearance doesn’t change it, then finding out everything about him will.

To: owenphilps@yahoo.com
From: bethanyjones45@hotmail.com
Date: March 14 2007
Subject: Re: Chloe
Why?

To: bethanyjones45@hotmail.com
From: owenphilps@yahoo.com
Date: March 14
Subject: Re: Chloe
I would tell you but you’d probably just tell Chloe.

To: owenphilps@yahoo.com
From: bethanyjones45@hotmail.com
Date: March 14 2007
Subject: Re: Chloe
Christ Owen! So what if I do? If she’s going to find out eventually, what difference does it make? Why not just get it over with and tell her? I don’t know if this has occurred to you, but Ward is putting you in a terrible position by giving you his secrets and then disappearing. Perhaps he doesn’t deserve your loyalty.

To: bethanyjones45@hotmail.com
From: owenphilps@yahoo.com
Date: March 14
Subject: Re: Chloe
Bethany,
You seem to be forgetting, I don’t know where Ward is.
If I tell Chloe what I do know, she’ll be very emotional about it, and she’ll probably get in the way of finding him.
I don’t want to be the person responsible for hurting Chloe. This is Ward’s mess. He can be the one to stick it to her.

To: owenphilps@yahoo.com
From: bethanyjones45@hotmail.com
Date: March 14 2007
Subject: Re: Chloe
You don’t want to hurt Chloe, but you want Ward to stick it to her? Okay, either you really hate her, or what I’ve suspected all along is true, and you still have a thing for her.

To: bethanyjones45@hotmail.com
From: owenphilps@yahoo.com
Date: March 14
Subject: Re: Chloe
Don’t be ridiculous.

To: owenphilps@yahoo.com
From: bethanyjones45@hotmail.com
Date: March 14 2007
Subject: Re: Chloe
Come on, Owen! Why won’t you just admit it? I can understand why at first you wouldn’t – we were going out and you didn’t want to hurt my feelings. But I’ll always remember how furious you were after she hooked up with your brother. Even someone as loyal as you wouldn’t be so angry on a friend’s behalf. I think you should just tell her how you feel.

To: bethanyjones45@hotmail.com
From: owenphilps@yahoo.com
Date: March 14
Subject: Re: Chloe
Bethany,
Even if I did have feelings for Chloe, I wouldn’t move in on my best friend’s fiancé in the middle of his disappearance. But I don’t have feelings for her, so the point is moot. Now, I’m looking for Ward on my own, and I would appreciate it if you wouldn’t meddle anymore by telling Chloe anything.

To: owenphilps@yahoo.com
From: bethanyjones45@hotmail.com
Date: March 14 2007
Subject: Re: Chloe
Fine. I won’t “tell” her anything. I’ll just forward her our e-mails.
Take care Owen!
Love,
Bethany

Laurel Osterkamp

author of Following My Toes

www.laurelosterkamp.com

Looking For Ward 3/10/07

2007-03-09T18:58:00.000-08:00

To: owenphilps@yahoo.com
From: chloelangley@origingifts.biz
Date: March 10 2007
Subject: Sorry
Owen –
Now I understand how Brittany Spears must have felt the night after she married that friend of hers – you know, the one she divorced right away? I mean, I understand how it feels to regret your actions and feel like you made an ass of yourself for the entire world to see. In Brittany’s case, it was the entire world. In my case, it was really only you. But that’s enough. It would almost be easier if it was everyone in the world except for you. They probably wouldn’t be as hard on me.

Anyway, it’s been over twenty-four hours since our ill-fated meeting. My hangover is beginning to subside but my embarrassment is increasing as I’m left with these questions:
Did I throw up on you?
What happened in between my third Mai Tai and when I woke up, several hours later?
What did you tell me about Ward, and are you willing to repeat it all?

The answer to number three is obviously the most important. But Owen, please know that there was nothing between that guy with the long hair and me, and I really have changed since that time with your brother. I love Ward, and I’m begging you to give me another chance and tell me what you know.

PLEASE!

Love,
Chloe

To: chloelangley@origingifts.biz
From: owenphilps@yahoo.com
Date: March 10 2007
Subject: Re: Sorry

Chloe,
No you didn’t throw up on me, but you did drool quite a bit. Are you a mouth breather?
I took you home and put you to bed. Then I left.
I don’t really want to meet again, so here it is:
Ward has a lot of secrets. A few weeks ago he confessed some of them to me. I’m not ready to tell you all about them, but they are about his childhood. He has some issues with his parents that he needs to resolve, and he needs to deal with some of the lies he has told. In addition, there’s this woman he works with at the Y. She might know stuff.
That’s all I can tell you. Ward asked me to keep his secrets for him, and especially after your behavior last night, I feel compelled to.
And Chloe, please don’t respond. I will look for Ward myself, and I’ll let you know when I find him.
Take care…

Owen

Looking For Ward 3/9/07

2007-03-08T17:41:00.000-08:00

To: chloelangley@origingifts.biz
From: randy_Langley@yahoo.com

Date: March 9 2007
Subject: Insurance

Are we adding Ward onto your health insurance through the store? God knows his insurance through the Y can’t be any good.

Let me know. The sooner we figure this out the better.

Dad

To: bethanyjones45@hotmail.com
From: chloelangley@origingifts.biz
Date: March 9 2007
Subject: Dinner with Owen
Bethany –
I feel like I’ve been taken over by an alien, and it’s not just because I ate greasy Chinese food and drank too much last night. However, the four Mai Tais I had probably have something to do with this raging headache of mine. Ever since Owen’s e-mails yesterday I’ve been in this kumfumbled state, and it hasn’t gone away. The alcohol only made it worse.

So, here’s what happened. I got to the Red Dragon last night just a little early. Traffic wasn’t as bad as I had thought it would be. So I take a seat and order a Mai Tai. I was really thirsty, and they are mostly fruit juice. So the first one went down really quick. I order another one. I’m about half way through it when my cell phone rings. It’s Owen, saying he’s been held up, and he’s going to be late (it’s now about 7:15, so I’m like, you already are late!) Well, I finish the second one just as easily as I finished the first. Then the waitress brings me another. I hadn’t ordered another one, but it turns out that this guy sitting at the bar did. I’m starting to feel really relaxed, so I don’t mind when he comes over to talk to me.

Because, honestly, the last few days have been pretty stressful.

I don’t remember much about the guy, except that he had long hair. But I’m listening to him go on about his job when Owen finally shows. I was sort of tipsy by this point, but I remember pretty clearly the look on Owen’s face when he saw I was hanging out with this dude.

Okay – so his hand happened to be resting on mine. But I wasn’t even aware of it until Owen’s horrified face was looming in my own. Owen practically pushes the guy out of his chair, and takes a seat across from me. He doesn’t say anything, but the evil eye he’s throwing me says it all.

“We were just talking” I say.
“Some things never change, do they Chloe?”
By now I’ve finished my drink, so I say to Owen, “Where’s the Mai Tai you promised me?”
Owen goes to the bar ( I don’t think he realized I had already had three drinks) and brings me back another Mai Tai. Soon some eggrolls appear, and Owen is talking but I’m having trouble making sense of what he’s saying. Something about Ward’s childhood and his birth certificate.

Then he goes –
“So that’s what I had to talk to Ward about. You can understand why he didn’t want you to know.”
And I’m like, “Uh, can you repeat that?”
Owen’s disgust is palpable; I can feel it despite how drunk I am. But all he says is, “Come on, I’ll drive you home.”
That’s sort of all I remember. The next thing I know I’m awake in my bed, drenched in sweat because I’m sleeping in my clothes, and I’m rushing to the toilet to be sick.
Luckily I made it to the bathroom.
But I have no idea what Owen told me about Ward.
And please, please, do not write back and tell me what a huge idiot I am. I already know.

-Chloe

Laurel Osterkamp

author of Following My Toes

www.laurelosterkamp.com

Looking For Ward 3/8/07

2007-03-07T17:39:00.000-08:00

To: chloelangley@origingifts.biz
From: owenphilps@yahoo.com

Date: March 8 2007
Subject: the plan

Chloe,
Hope all is well with you. I think I figured out where Ward is. Can you meet for dinner tonight?

Owen

To: owenphilps@yahoo.com
From: chloelangley@origingifts.biz
Date: March 8 2007
Subject: Re: the plan
Owen –
I can, but don’t leave me in suspense. Where is he? Just tell me and we can talk about the details tonight.
-Chloe

To: chloelangley@origingifts.biz
From: owenphilps@yahoo.com
Date: March 8 2007
Subject: Re: the plan

Fine. I wanted to tell you this in person, but here it is.
Ward isn’t who he says he is. I don’t know how much he’s told you about his childhood, but he had some tough times. One night over a few beers he confided in me, and made me promise not to tell you. I’ve kept my word – until now.

I’ve done a little research, and after thinking about it, decided I’m not doing anyone any favors by keeping quiet.

Remember that Ward loves you and does his best with you. Sometimes things are just complicated.
How about we meet at the Red Dragon, say, 7:00? I’ll buy you some eggrolls and a Mai Tai.
Hasn’t that always been your favorite?

Owen

To: owenphilps@yahoo.com
From: chloelangley@origingifts.biz
Date: March 8 2007
Subject: Re: the plan
Gosh Owen –
Did you take some “nice pills” with breakfast this morning?
You and I have been on the outs for years, ever since that thing with your brother (which, by the way, Ward has forgiven me for even though you haven’t). So now you’re going to tell me all Ward’s secrets? Now I’m supposed to believe you’re going to help save our relationship? I don’t need you to tell me that he loves me, and I do know that Ward does his best with me, just like I’m doing my best with him.

I wish I knew what you wanted from me.

To: chloelangley@origingifts.biz
From: owenphilps@yahoo.com
Date: March 8 2007
Subject: Re: the plan

I don’t want anything from you. I’m just trying to be a good friend and a decent guy. That can be hard for me, especially when I’m around difficult people.

To: owenphilps@yahoo.com
From: chloelangley@origingifts.biz
Date: March 8 2007
Subject: Re: the plan
If it’s so difficult for you, maybe you should stop trying. I wouldn’t you to bust a blood vessel in your brain, or anything other horrific self-induced injury that would lead to your tragic and untimely death.

To: chloelangley@origingifts.biz
From: owenphilps@yahoo.com
Date: March 8 2007
Subject: Re: the plan

So… you don’t want to meet at Red Dragon?

To: owenphilps@yahoo.com
From: chloelangley@origingifts.biz
Date: March 8 2007
Subject: Re: the plan
I’ll see you at 7:00. Curiosity alone is driving me there.

-Chloe

Laurel Osterkamp

author of Following My Toes

www.laurelosterkamp.com

Looking For Ward 3/7/07

2007-03-06T17:44:00.000-08:00

To: bethanyjones45@hotmail.com
From: chloelangley@origingifts.biz
Date: March 7 2007
Subject: Ancient History

Bethany –
I wanted to take some to think about your e-mail yesterday before I wrote back. Truth? Yeah, I was a little peeved after reading it. You have to realize that the Ward I dated in college and the Ward I’m engaged to now are so different that they may as well be two separate guys. Old Ward was temperamental, but new Ward has turned his anger into something else. Lately he’s into stretching, meditation, and reading about Buddhism. I don’t completely get it, but I’m all for it. He doesn’t hardly ever seem angry anymore, just distracted from time to time.

Besides, you can’t forget; Ward forgave me for cheating on him senior year. True – it took him several years to forgive me, but in a way that was sort of good. It gave us both a chance to grow up, date other people, then return to each other. Because the nittygritty of the whole thing is after Ward and I broke up, I never was able to find anyone else who I loved more.

And I’m still scared I won’t be able to now. Besides, I need stability. I know I can count on Ward, or at least I always thought I could. So yeah, when he comes back I’ll still want to marry him. For my own sanity I have to believe there’s a good reason for all this.

Anyway, I have some news, and it’s unrelated to Ward or Owen or the whole wedding biz.

I sold a bracelet to a gallery owner!

Yesterday this woman came into the store, and she started looking at my jewelry rack. And she says to me, “This stuff is lovely, but what does it have to do with organic gifts?”

I said, “Well, I started the store out as being centered around selling organic stuff,” (as you know, that was Ward’s idea), “but I’ve always loved designing jewelry, so I thought I may as well display some of it here.”

And she goes, “You’re a jewelry designer?”
And I say, “Well, it’s really just a hobby.”
Then she pulls out her card. “I’m the owner of McCall’s Gallery downtown,” she says. “And we’re looking to display jewelry by area designers in May. Think about putting something together.”

So I’m trying not to gag on my tongue and keep it together, but on the inside I’m jumping up and down and screaming in delight. She did say that they would need something a little more fancy, rather than the semi-precious stuff I use for my pieces. One more expense on top of everything else. But Bethany, she thinks I’m talented! She even said so before she left, after buying that amber bracelet I sent you a photo of last month.

Can you believe it? Now I need to get to work on something – I’m thinking garnets!

Oh, and BTW, more good news! My parents are leaving for the cabin today. They’re hoping to get some last minute skiing in before the season is over, THANK GOD! They’ll be gone a week. Hopefully by the time they’re back Ward will be back too, and I won’t have to cover for him anymore. I started to cry with relief when my mother told me. She almost cancelled the trip because she thought they were stress tears from all the wedding planning. If only she knew!

Love,
Chloe

Laurel Osterkamp

author of Following My Toes

www.laurelosterkamp.com

Looking For Ward 3/6/07

2007-03-05T17:18:00.000-08:00

To: chloelangley@origingifts.biz

From: bethanyjones45@hotmail.com
March 6 2007
Subject: Re. Owen

Chloe,
Sorry I couldn’t get back to you yesterday. I had the stomach flu and it was horrific. I did go the fitting for my dress, but I’ll have to go back because I probably lost a few pounds; the last couple of days I’ve kept absolutely nothing down. However, nannies apparently don’t get sick days, because I was still expected to watch after Emily and Ernie. Too short of notice for me to have the day off, they said. I should have complained more because I expect the kids will have caught my bug and we’ll all be miserable again. Plus, it will be my fault (by consensus).

Anyhow, I was glad to read that you have let Owen in on your secret. It was too much for you to bear alone, and I can’t help you very much all the way from NYC. I still believe you should tell your parents but I understand why you are resisting. Perhaps you are right, and it will all turn out sunny and happy and Ward will be back soon.

But Chloe – is that what you want? You have to be just a little bit angry. Even if he’s fine and there’s a perfectly good explanation, think about it. He’s escaping the final stages of wedding planning, leaving you in the lurch and having to cover for him as well. It’s not exactly a good way to begin a marriage based off of trust and openness.

Do you remember that night back in college when we went mini-golfing? Sophomore year, I think it was. You and Ward were in some sort of a fight, and I remember you let him win. Except Owen and I weren’t willing to play along, so he only came in third, with Owen in second place and me having won. I remember only because that was the first night Owen ever kissed me. I had just scored a hole in one and I was performing a little victory dance when he pulled me behind the windmill and laid one on me. You and Ward weren’t even aware, because I could hear you in the background, placating Ward as he was setting up his shot. I bring it up now because I remember thinking: is this what always happens? Do we start out attracting them with our wit and success, then finish by sacrificing ourselves to boost them up?

I realize it’s an unfair analogy, and we’ve obviously all changed since college – most of all Ward. But think about it, Chloe. Because I would hate to think that what’s happening here is that you’re sacrificing your own game while Ward is off playing by his own set of rules. And I wouldn’t be saying this if you weren’t my best friend.

So don’t be mad.
Love,
Bethany

Laurel Osterkamp

author of Following My Toes

www.laurelosterkamp.com

Looking For Ward 3/5/07

2007-03-04T16:53:00.000-08:00

To: chloelangley@origingifts.biz

From: lois_langley@yahoo.com
Date: March 5 2007
Subject: Flowers

Hi Hon.
I need to know what to say to the florist. Should we go with the entry-way arrangements? What about a trellis? What did you and Ward decide? I need to know because I’m meeting with her in a few hours.
Love,
Mom

To: lois_langley@yahoo.com
From: chloelangley@origingifts.biz

Date: March 5 2005
Subject: Re: Flowers

Mom –
Let’s skip the entry way flowers, but I think we should do the trellis. I’ve always wanted to get married underneath flowers. Just tell her to use daisies, vines, and white rosebuds.

By the way, Ward says thanks for the trip. He had to go out of town suddenly for this physical trainer convention. He’ll back in a few days.
Love you!

-Chloe

To: chloelangley@origingifts.biz

From: owenphilps@yahoo.com

Date: March 5 2007
Subject: Last night
Chloe,
Sorry. I should have called last night before I stopped by. It was rude of me not to. Forgive me?

Owen

To: chloelangley@origingifts.biz

From: owenphilps@yahoo.com

Date: March 5 2007
Subject: Re. Last night
Owen –
Sure. Whatever. At this point I don’t really care.

To: bethanyjones45@hotmail.com
From: chloelangley@origingifts.biz

Date: March 5 2007
Subject: Owen
Hey Bethany:
You’re right. I ought to let my parents know, and last night as I was writing the e-mail that you’ve already responded to I was ready to tell them and everyone else. Then Owen showed up. He hadn’t called, and I was pretty shocked to see him. He was all, “You’ve got to tell me what’s going on, NOW. I’m Ward’s best friend and blah, blah, blah.”

He had caught me when my defenses were down, so I went ahead and showed him Ward’s e-mail. Just in case you forgot what it said, here it is again:

Chloe,
I have to go away. I’ll explain later, but I’m not sure when that will be. I love you, and if you love me in return you’ll let me have this time, and you WON’T look for me. If you do decide to track me down, I won’t come back at all.
Please forgive me, and know I’ll be thinking of you constantly.
Love,
Ward

So Owen says, “You’re not serious. He sent this to you several days ago and you haven’t told anyone? What the hell is wrong with you?”

And then I lost it. I started to cry. I’m not proud of it, and believe me, it wasn’t intentional. Because honestly, if anyone WASN’T going to be seduced by tears it’s Owen, who has always felt I’m this spoiled little rich girl whose Daddy bought her a store (which is only partly true) but perhaps it was because my tears were so genuine that Owen was taken in. I was babbling on and on through my tears:
“I thought he’d be back by now.” And “I don’t know what to do. Do you think this is his way of dumping me?” And “What if he’s in danger?” And “Why won’t he tell me what’s going on?” And “This is all so humiliating. I don’t know what I should do about the wedding.” And finally – “He said not to look for him. I love him, and I thought I should honor that. That’s the number one reason why I haven’t told anyone. I was afraid that other people wouldn’t get it.”

Throughout my tearful diatribe Owen just looked at me like I was made of Saran Wrap. Finally, after I calmed down a little, he spoke.

“Chloe, I get it. I won’t tell anyone else. But I do think we should look for him.”
“We should look for him,” I asked.
“Yeah,” he said. “I’ll help you.”

So now I’m more confused than ever. He didn’t say how we were going to look for him. He left really soon after that, and today all I’ve heard is an apology for stopping by last night unannounced. Weird, huh?

Like everything else about this is so normal.
By the way, I just told my mom to spend $500 on a flowered trellis for Ward and me to get married underneath. It’s actually a bargain, and it will be beautiful.
Do you think I’m in denial?

Talk to you soon…

-Chloe

Laurel Osterkamp

author of Following My Toes

www.laurelosterkamp.com

Looking For Ward 3/4/07

2007-03-03T17:19:00.000-08:00

To: bethanyjones45@hotmail.com
From: chloelangley@origingifts.biz
Date: March 4 2007
Subject: Sunday dinner
Bethany –
I had to lie to my parents today. After everything they’ve done for me, I feel guilty just sneezing in their presence. But today I lied – and I told myself it was for their own good. If had done anything other than pretend that everything was just peachy then they would worry about me. And honestly, at this point, worry is a futile emotion.

So needless to say, there has been no word from Ward. By now I’m so angry I ought to be foaming at the mouth. The only reason I am not is because from time to time I experience moments of panic that either he’s in danger, or that he’ll never come back and my life will be ruined. This plunges me into despair and I forget about my anger for a moment. But then I am forced to endure things like Sunday dinner, and I remember how angry I am.

Do I sound hyperbolic? Believe me, I am not exaggerating my situation in the least. If you had been at dinner today, you’d know what I mean. So about that - rather than go into all the gory detail, I’m simply going to give you Chloe’s list of the top five terrible things about dinner (in descending order):
5. My father was disappointed that Ward wasn’t there because he had finished restoring the Porsche and he couldn’t wait to show it off. The look on his face, when he discovered Ward wasn’t coming, reminded me of Papa fish losing Nemo.
4. “How does Ward feel about the flower arrangements? I wish he was here. I hate leaving details like this up to chance.” My mom said that FIVE times throughout the evening (seriously, I counted..)
3. We had broccoli and cheese as a side dish. Ward’s favorite. I felt compelled to eat more to make up for his absence, and now I feel bloated.
2. “Is everything okay between the two of you? You seem a little off tonight honey.”
“Everything is fine, Mom.”
“You’d tell us is something was wrong, right Princess?”
“Of course I would, Dad.”
Ahrgg!!
And #1 is …. Hawaii! That’s right. My parents had invited us over for dinner tonight because they wanted to surprise us with tickets/hotel reservations to Hawaii. Can you believe it? They’re not only shelling out for the wedding, but now they’re spending what has to be thousands to send us on a first class honeymoon. I tried so hard to act thrilled, but underneath it all I was resisting the urge to visit the porcelain Goddess and pay tribute with barely digested broccoli and cheese. I think my parents bought my act, but this is only the beginning.

I mean, Ward needs to call them and say thank you.

Bethany, do you have any advice? Should I just come clean? Tell me what to do and I’ll do it. Right now all I want is to not have to think.

Gotta go. There’s a knock at my door.

-Chloe

Laurel Osterkamp
author of Following My Toes
www.laurelosterkamp.com

Copyright Laurel Osterkamp, 2007. All rights reserved.

Looking For Ward 3/3/07

2007-03-02T17:50:00.000-08:00

To: chloelangley@origingifts.biz

From: owenphilps@yahoo.com

Date: March 3 2007
Subject: Ward
Chloe,
I need to talk to Ward. It’s important. Still can’t get a hold of him. Should I be worried?

To: owenphilps@yahoo.com

From: chloelangley@origingifts.com
Date: March 3 2007
Subject: Re: Ward
Owen –
No, no worries. But about Ward – he has been acting weird lately. He’s been so busy, especially on Saturdays, but he’s vague about what he’s up to. It’s not that I don’t trust him… of course I do. But truth is, I’m not sure what is up with him. So I’m curious what you need to talk to him about. Does it have anything to do with the wedding? Or me? Would you tell me if there was something I ought to know?

To: chloelangley@origingifts.biz
From: owenphilps@yahoo.com

Date: March 3 2007
Subject: Re: Ward
Chloe,
Honestly, no, I wouldn’t tell you. You say I shouldn’t be worried. Do you know where he is? When was the last time you saw/spoke to him?

To: owenphilps@yahoo.com

From: chloelangley@origingifts.biz
Date: March 3 2007
Subject: Re: Ward
Owen –
Of course I know where my fiancée is! He just seems to be going through something weird right now. It’s like he’s not even interested in talking to anyone and I don’t know why. But I think you should just back off and give him some space. For real. I mean, I understand that you can’t (or don’t want to) help me. But I think you should respect Ward’s wishes and not force the issue. Just tell me what you need him to know and I’ll make sure he gets the message.

To: chloelangley@origingifts.biz

From: owenphilps@yahoo.com

Date: March 3 2007
Subject: Re: Ward
Chloe,
I never thought that “controlling” was among your many flaws. If WARD tells me to back off, I will. Where is he?

To: owenphilps@yahoo.com

From: chloelangley@origingifts.biz
Date: March 3 2007
Subject: Re: Ward
Owen –
I’ll tell Ward to give you a call.
Adios, Owen.

To: bethanyjones45@hotmail.com
From: chloelangley@origingifts.biz

Date: March 3 2007
(Forward) Subject: Re: Ward
Bethany –
Can you believe him? I’d like to smack him upside the head. Who does he think he is?
I know. I know.
You’re probably thinking I should have told Owen the truth. But if I did that, then he would have insisted on filing a missing person report. And Ward said not to look for him, and I’d sort of like him to come back some day. The thing about Ward is, he doesn’t make empty threats. I have to assume he’s okay. If there was some sort of trouble why wouldn’t he have a given a clue in his e-mail? You know, like “When I get back we’ll go out for clams.” If he had put that in I’d know something was up, since he HATES clams. That would have been a red flag, blaring alarm bell telling me something is wrong. But there was nothing like that.
So I have to believe that Ward is fine, that he’ll be back soon, and that there is a reasonable explanation for all of this.
But Owen wouldn’t get it. He’d insist on looking for him, and that would ruin everything.
I just don’t know how much longer I can keep this up.

-Chloe
P.S.
Have you gotten your bridesmaid dress altered yet? I hate to nag you, but there is always the possibility that you’ll need them to make more changes after your first fitting. Don’t leave it till the last minute!

Laurel Osterkamp

author of Following My Toes

www.laurelosterkamp.com

Looking For Ward 3/2/07

2007-03-01T18:01:00.000-08:00

To: bethanyjones45@hotmail.com
From: chloelangley@origingifts.biz

Date: March 2, 2007
Subject: Continued Confusion

Bethany –
It was tremendous to talk to you last night! With the two hour time difference it’s so hard to coordinate phone chats, and I appreciate that you called. You really made me feel better. And I’m sure you’re right that Ward just has pre-wedding jitters, and I’m going to do what you said and try not to worry about it. I decided I’m not going to mention this to anyone (other than you). I mean, my parents have already dropped THOUSANDS on this wedding, and at this point, most of it is nonrefundable anyway – thirty days notice and all. Besides, Ward will be back soon, so there’s no need to say anything. He’s got to be back soon, because there is just no other option.

But I haven’t heard from him yet.

As soon as our conversation was over though, my phone rang. Of course I was hoping it was Ward, but it was Owen. Uhg. I could describe our conversation, but it’s better to just recount it to the best of my memory:

Owen: I need to speak to Ward.
Me: He’s not here.
Owen: Well where is he?
Me: I don’t know.
Owen: He’s not at work, or at home. I tried his cell too. I haven’t been able to get a hold of him all day.
Me: What do you need to talk to him about?
Owen: Umm… Shouldn’t you be a little more concerned about Ward’s disappearance?
Me: Disappearance? What makes you think he’s disappeared?
Owen: Umm…because he’s nowhere to be found. Look, if you hear from him, tell him to call me, okay?
Me: ( in a resigned voice) Sure.
Click! Dial tone. Sound of fury raging in my ears.

He can be so rude! No goodbye, no thank you, and certainly no “How are you, Chloe?” You would think as Ward’s best man that he could at least pretend to like me. I suppose given our history that’s too much ask. But come on, it was years ago! Ward’s forgiven me, so I don’t see why Owen can’t. His attitude should have been adjusted a long time ago.

Sigh.
Okay, I really should start on inventory. I’m already behind on stocking the cucumber soap (huge seller), and this afternoon I have to go sign the contract with the video-ographer. Ward was wondering if we really need our wedding filmed, and I was like, are you serious? The day will go by in such a blur, we’ll want to relive it any way we can. That is, assuming of course that the day actually happens.

I’ll e-mail you as soon as Ward resurfaces, which better be sometime today.
Take care, and have a great day.
I wonder what Owen needed to talk to Ward about?

-Chloe

Looking For Ward 3/1/07

2007-02-28T18:04:00.000-08:00

Hi! Today I am posting the first of 31 daily installments of my e-serial, Looking For Ward. Keep coming back throughout the month of March, it's going to be a great story. Also, feel free to comment!

-Laurel

To: bethanyjones45@hotmail.com
From: mailto:Chloe@origingifts.com
Date: March 1, 2007
Subject: Something weird has happened
Hey Bethany…
I need your help. You need to tell me I’m freaking out over nothing. I’m having a day that can only be described as crunchy, like when you think you’re getting a smooth PB&J, but you bite into it and there are all these unwanted chunks. Everything I do, think, feel, or see is just off and it scares me.
Why, you may ask.
Well, this morning my entire world was flipped upside down like the loosing side in a coin toss.
I’ll elaborate.

Last night Ward came over, we had dinner and talked about the wedding. He seems to forget that it’s in a month, and I wanted to figure out the seating chart and talk about our vows. So I made Chicken Kiev and opened a bottle of wine, and soon things were finer than Hugh Jackman in a wet t-shirt. Afterwards we watched CSI and went to bed (although we didn’t go to sleep, wink, wink, for sometime after). This morning he got up, took a shower, kissed me on the cheek, and said he’d call me later.

So I went to work. The store needs to be restocked, but I was in a lazy mood and things were slow, so I wasn’t doing much – except checking my e-mail. My mom still e-mails a kazillion times a day about the wedding. ANYWAY, at about 10 am, Ward sends me this (I cut & pasted):

Chloe,
I have to go away. I’ll explain later, but I’m not sure when that will be. I love you, and if you love me in return you’ll let me have this time, and you WON’T look for me. If you do decide to track me down, I won’t come back at all.
Please forgive me, and know I’ll be thinking of you constantly.
Love,
Ward

I e-mailed back, but there’s no response. I called his cell, same thing. Then I called his work, and they said he hasn’t come in today, and he doesn’t have any clients booked for the NEXT MONTH! He’s the most popular personal trainer at the Y, so can that be?

Maybe this is a joke? If so - not funny! I mean, obviously the wedding means more to me than it does to Ward, but I would hope the marriage is important to him. And if he has a problem, why wouldn’t he say something instead of just sending a cryptic e-mail? I really don’t get it.

Unless he’s in danger? Or something terrible has happened? But who would want to harm Ward, and what terrible thing could happen that he wouldn’t be able to tell me about? True, he’s always been an enigma of sorts; do you think this could have something to do with how he spends his mysterious Saturdays?

Please write back and tell me I’m over-reacting. Say that everything is going to be okay, and Ward is just having a moment of kookiness that will disappear soon.
Thanks…
Love,
Chloe.

Review Of Goodbye Jimmy Choo

2007-02-04T11:30:00.000-08:00

Goodbye Jimmy Choo
By Annie Sanders

Izzy and Maddy are both feeling stuck. Izzy’s husband Marcus is out of work and their marriage is in trouble. Maddy doesn’t know what is going on with her husband, but he has been working late quite a bit and seems distant. To make matters worse, both Izzy and Matty have been forced to live in the English countryside, in a community where they both feel out of place.

When they meet each other at a child’s birthday party the two women feel an instant connection and decide to become friends. Then tragedy strikes and they become even closer as they battle adversity. Yet it is when they go into business together, marketing beauty products from decades old French recipes, that Izzy and Maddy form a bond that is as important and more unbreakable than any other relationship in their life.

Goodbye Jimmy Choo celebrates the power and strength of friendship between women. This book also offers a peek into the world of cosmetics, offering both an English and French flair. There are also some interesting supporting characters, including Izzy’s husband Marcus, who is brilliantly flawed but at times sympathetic as well.

However, the story does become a little bogged down in the middle, when it feels like nothing is really happening for chapters at a time. The book could have easily been shorter without detracting from the story. Also, a lot of the plot is told through description when dialogue or character action would have been more effective.

That aside, Goodbye Jimmy Choo is a wonderful book to curl up with on a rainy day. It is definitely a feel-good read, with strong female characters, humor, and a touch of the exotic. After reading this book you’ll feel like you traveled to England with your best friend, and it will have been well worth the trip.

Review by Laurel Osterkamp
originally posted on OnceWritten.com

Review - Wuthering High

2007-01-02T15:43:00.000-08:00

Wuthering High
By Cara Lockwood

Getting through high school can be hell, especially when you’re forced to study a bunch of obsolete literature by dead authors nobody cares about. But what if you were stranded at a remote, creepy boarding school where fictional characters roamed the halls? What if your teachers were the ghosts of those forgotten about authors, who are there to do penance for killing themselves by teaching to a bunch of bratty teenagers whose only knowledge of classic literature comes from the film versions of their books?

That is the premise of Cara Lockwood’s Wuthering High, a new young adult novel published by MTV books. You didn’t know that MTV has their own line of books? Well, they do, and this one is everything you would expect from a book put out by music television. It’s hip, light, and likely to engage young readers with even the shortest of attention spans. However, it also has oodles of references to classic literature and it’s clever and well written to boot. Teen readers are likely to enjoy the main character, Miranda, who has been banished to Bard Academy as punishment for totaling her father’s car and running up his credit card bill. Miranda is like any teenager; she has struggles with her family while she confronts issues like peer pressure and the search for her own identity. Yet somehow she manages to handle any conflict that comes her way with strength and a touch of heroism.

Wuthering High is likely to appeal to adults as well. Anyone who considers themselves a writer or a book lover will appreciate Lockwood’s tribute to literature and the people who create it. It should come as no surprise that Emily Bronte’s Wuthering Heights and Charlotte Bronte’s Jane Eyre receive special attention in this book. When the characters of Heathcliff and Mrs. Rochester come to life they create havoc for everyone at Bard academy, but the funniest part is not so much their actions, but the reaction of modern teenagers to the spurned lovers from these famous 19th century novels.

Lockwood has created a novel that is at once entertaining and educational, and I strongly recommend that parents buy it for their teens to read and enjoy. However, before you give it to them, sit down and read it yourself. Not only will you have a quick, enjoyable read, you will also get a brush-up lesson on famous authors. Read it first – then look up the answers to anything you realize you don’t know about literature. That way, when your kids come to you questions after reading Wuthering High, you can impress them with your knowledge!

Wuthering High is a perfect summertime read, and it just might get your teen excited for English class in the fall!

Review by Laurel Osterkamp
Originally posted on www.curledup.com

2006-10-26T07:05:00.000-07:00

Review of The Secret Desires of a Soccer Mom
By Robyn Harding

Paige Atwell is a stay-at home mom living in a ritzy neighborhood in well-to-do suburb of Denver. Her youngest child has begun the first grade, so she now has entire days to herself, and is unsure of what to do with her time. One way she occupies herself is by having coffee with friends, who are also housewives from the same income-tax bracket.

One of them, Karen, confines in Paige by telling about an affair she is having with a Spanish barista named Javier. Karen insists she is in love with Javier, and is considering leaving her stable marriage with Doug in order to pursue a passionate yet poor existence with Javier. This causes Paige to question her own marriage and life choices. Is she really happy with the life she is leading?

Soon Paige’s soul searching takes a back seat to more pressing concerns, after Karen is found dead in her own garage. Paige takes it upon herself to do some amateur sleuthing, since she is convinced she is the only one who knows about Karen’s affair. When Paige later learns that Karen, who had wanted a baby for years, was pregnant at the time of her death, Paige becomes convinced that Karen was murdered, and her two prime suspects are Javier and Karen’s late husband, Doug.

Paige throws herself into investigating Karen’s death, all the while refusing to tell her husband, her friends, and the police what she knows. Meanwhile, Paige finds herself attracted both to Javier and to one of the cops who comes to question Paige about Karen. Paige ultimately finds herself unsure of who to trust, and even more confused about her marriage and life choices.

While this may sound like a heavy premise for a novel, The Secret Desires of a Soccer Mom is actually very funny and entertaining. It is one of those books that is hard to put down once started, and the heroine, Paige, is hilarious and charming.

However, there are some plot holes. Paige’s reasons for not sharing her knowledge of Karen’s affair with the police or her husband early on don’t adequately justify her decision not to. Her friendships with the other women in the neighborhood are fairly superficial, and her relationship with her husband and kids also comes off as unrewarding. There is never any explanation for why Paige, who had a successful career in PR, does not go back to work now that her kids are in school, or for why an intelligent and capable woman like herself lets her husband call all the shots. That part of the book is maddening, and it is unclear if the rewards Paige is working towards are really worth the trouble.

That said, the plot and the humor of the story make it well worth the reader’s time. While The Secret Desires of a Soccer Mom isn’t perfect, it is a huge lot of fun. Robyn Harding did a great job of writing about a serious situation in a funny way, and I recommend it despite the book’s flaws.
3 stars

Review by Laurel Osterkamp
originally posted on www.curledup.com

Review - The Undomestic Goddess

2006-08-12T12:02:00.001-07:00

The Undomestic Goddess by Sophie Kinsella

The Undomestic Goddess, by Sophie Kinsella, is about a workaholic who loses her job as a high-powered lawyer. The main character, Samantha, appears to have everything going for her. She is incredibly bright with a photographic memory and the ability to calculate complex equations in her head. Her legal prowess is admired by all whom she works with, and she’s a seriously hard worker who has earned the respect and admiration of the top lawyers in her firm. It seems the only thing Samantha isn’t good at is cooking, cleaning, and finding a man. She has no time for these endeavors, as she works basically 24-7.

Then the unthinkable happens, when she makes a mistake that costs tons of millions of pounds. Unable to handle it, Samantha flees, taking a random train and riding it until the very last stop, which happens to be an ultra quaint little English village. There she knocks on the door of the first home she sees, hoping they can give her some Asprin for the severe headache she’s developed. Well, one thing leads to another, and because they think she’s there to apply for a housekeeping position, Samantha winds up staying on as the couple’s cook and cleaner. Of course, she has no idea what she’s doing, but she soon learns (with the help from a local woman) how rewarding preparing food and ironing can really be. Plus, Samantha loves having her weekends off, which gives her time to hang out at the local pub and fall in love with a really great guy.

So then the central question becomes, given the chance to go back to her old life, would Samantha do so? Have women become so consumed with work that they’ve forgotten about what’s really important? Which is more fulfilling, a career, or caring for a family? While Samantha claims she is only one woman and is not speaking for anyone other than herself, the same can’t be said of Kinsella. She is making a statement here, whether she intends to be or not.

First off, Kinsella has written yet another extremely fun read, full of humor and suspense. She is a master at letting her characters make mistake after mistake, while the reader, in sweet agony, is left wondering how it will all work out. Still, as a pseudo-career woman myself, I could not help but be just a little offended by the book. It seems that all the characters in The Undomestic Goddess who have opted for career over family are shallow, competitive, and mean. All the characters who Samantha then meets in her new life are sincere, kind, and if they have any flaws at all, they are quirky, loveable flaws.

Real life is rarely so black and white. And while one could easily dismiss this book as a beach-read, not meant to make any sort of controversy, again, it’s not that simple. Many, many women struggle to find a balance between cooking, cleaning and caring for their loved ones while pursuing a career that is intellectually fulfilling. To create a portrait that so obviously labels one as bad and the other as good minimizes that struggle. Would it have been so hard to add in some complexities to all the characters? Perhaps then Samantha’s struggle would have mirrored more closely the one which thousands of real women deal with everyday.

Still, The Undomestic Goddess is definitely worth reading, especially if you are a Kinsella fan. You’ll wind up caring what happens to Samantha, because she is a well-developed character who comes to realize that life rarely offers up easy answers. Unfortunately, she is the only character who does so.

The 5 Most Awesome Forms of Punctuation

2006-08-11T09:46:00.000-07:00

Punctuation rocks! It can impact writing in a way that mere words can never achieve. Whether you’re using a comma, period, ellipses or a dash, nothing can influence your writing more than correct and effective use of punctuation. The entire meaning of a sentence can be completely altered just by changing, leaving out, or adding in a little dash, dot or squiggly.

For example, if you were driving down a residential neighborhood and saw a sign that read, “Slow! Children Playing” you would know to keep an eye out for kids playing in the streets. However, without that exclamation point, the sign would read, “Slow Children Playing”, and you would be left wondering if the kids in this particular neighborhood are rather dumb. This point leads to the fifth most awesome form of punctuation - the exclamation point.

5. Exclamation Point
Exclamation points are awesome because of their versatility and power. What other form of punctuation can turn one word into a complete sentence? “Run.” is not a complete sentence, it means nothing. However, “Run!” commands the reader to move fast. With its addition we now know that either there is danger, and we need to run away from it, or there is something really cool that we need to run towards. Either way, it’s exciting.

Speaking of excitement, what’s more exciting than an exclamation point? Adding one to the end of any sentence implies intense emotion. For instance, “This milk smells funny.” After reading that you’re probably thinking, “hmmm, maybe I ought to smell that milk too?” But read “This milk smells funny!” and you know there’s no way you’re smelling that milk. With an exclamation point, sentences are yelled out rather than simply spoken.

4. Quotation Marks
The fourth most awesome form of punctuation is the quotation mark. One reason they’re awesome is because they separate dialogue. What would we do without them? Try making sense of this passage without the quotation marks added in.
Kiss me. No, wait. She ran her fingers through his hair then touched them to his lips. He gently kissed them. I love it when you do that. I love you. He picked her up and carried her away.
This sounds like a pretty steamy scene, but who was saying what? See if it makes more sense with the quotation marks added in:
“Kiss me. No, wait.” She ran her fingers through his hair then touched them to his lips. He gently kissed them. “I love it when you do that.”
“I love you.” He picked her up and carried her away.

Not only do quotation marks let us know all the important info about dialogue, they also do something that no other punctuation can – imply sarcasm. Put any adjective or adverb in a regular sentence into quotation marks and suddenly it takes on the opposite of its meaning. For example:

She’s so “competent”. I really respect how “good” she is at her job. She work is always so “thorough”. “Definitely” hire her.

If you were a boss and you received the above passage about a prospective employee, would you hire her? I wouldn’t, even though in reality, only compliments have been written. Aww, the power of quotation marks!

3. The Semicolon
Semicolons are awesome because they are so subtle and abstract. Few people actually use them correctly, but if you do, you will add complexity to your writing.

So what do semicolons do? They attach two complete yet compatible sentences into one. Think of the semicolon like a really healthy marriage. Two separate entities are joining forces because they fit and are stronger together. Another way to think of the semicolon is as a replacement for the word “because.” Using a semicolon implies the word “because” without having to state it. For example:

I love bananas; they taste so good and are high in potassium.
It’s hard to find a good boyfriend; all the decent men have been taken.
I’d rather be playing hockey; baseball is boring and I stink at track.

Do you see how the semicolon replaces the word “because” in the above sentences? Did you also notice how the semicolon joins together two separate yet connected thoughts? No other punctuation can do what the semicolon can; semicolons are so cool!

2. The Ellipses
How often do you start speaking to someone, and then trail off before you finish your thought? I do that all the time, and if I was writing out what I was saying I would be using ellipses. Ellipses are awesome because they finish your sentences for you, making incomplete sentences into complete ones. What’s better than that? They also can be used as the antithesis of exclamation points, indicating a lack of passion or conviction. Here are some examples:
· I thought I wanted to marry him but I don’t know…
· Sure, I guess I can help you move…
· Goodbye…

So anytime you’re feeling kind of fuzzy, just use ellipses. That’s what they’re for.

And now, for the number one most awesome form of punctuation –

1. The Dash
I love dashes. They are awesome - because you simply can’t go wrong with a dash. It is pretty much impossible to use one incorrectly - they are so handy. You can separate ideas and add effect - all at the same time. I like to think of dashes as a dramatic pause - and use them as such. I mean – there is just no form of punctuation more – awesome! Dashes – they rock!

So there you have it – the five “most awesome” forms of punctuation. My list was obviously short, and some of you may think it should have included commas, colons, question marks, or the ever popular period; you may have a point. Just remember, my ideas about punctuation are subjective - but how you use that punctuation is not! Happy writing…

Copyright by Laurel Osterkamp - All rights reserved

Book Review - I'm Sorry, Love Anne by Andrea Peters

2006-07-29T13:33:00.000-07:00

Dear John, I’m sorry. I will never forget you. Love, Anne.
This mysterious message is found in a used copy of The Woman in White in a Chicago bookstore. The woman who buys the book, herself named Anne, is intrigued with the message and sends a letter of inquiry to the address printed on the faded label pasted on the front of the book. Anne receives a letter back, with the simple statement “Who is this?” printed inside. That night she also receives an anonymous phone call, a male caller, again demanding to know who she is. Anne decides to forget about the whole matter until she receives another letter, this time from an old woman, apologizing for the first letter and offering to fill her in if she’s ever in the area of Kent, England.
Then, coincidentally, Anne travels to England for work. She manages to find time to visit the old woman, and the younger Anne borrows the diary of the original Anne, who penned the note in the book. By reading the diary, the younger Anne learns all the details of the older Anne’s sad life, and increasingly becomes involved in a decades-old murder case. At the same time, young Anne starts to fall in love with Jarred, a legal secretary she works with in with London. However, Jarred is actually related to some of the key players in this murder case, and soon Anne doesn’t know whom she should trust.
If the plot sounds completely implausible, it is. Some of the coincidences in the story are fantastically wild and need more explanation. In addition, at the base of the story are two love relationships, one between young Anne and Jarred, the other between old Anne and her beau John, which we read about both in the diary and in flashback interludes. Neither of these love stories is well-developed, so it is hard to understand the sacrifices (told rather than shown) that these characters make for a love.
However, these flaws aside, I’m Sorry, Love Anne is otherwise a gripping story told with skilled narration and vivid description. Peters takes the reader on an adventurous ride through New York, London, and Hong Kong. Although the plot if full of some hard-to-believe twists, it is not predictable, so it is impossible not to be drawn into the story.
My advice? Put away your rational side before you pick up this book. If you can get past its flaws, you’re in for a fun read full of mystery, suspense, and intrigue.

Originally published on Curled Up With A Good Book at www.curledup.com. © Laurel Osterkamp, 2006

Chick Lit: Which Comes First, The Chick or The Lit?

2006-07-29T12:37:00.000-07:00

How many times has a boyfriend or husband dismissed a movie you wanted to see as just another “chick flick”, refusing to go, and dragged you to see an action film instead? It seems that any sort of entertainment that is created specifically by women for women has a stigma attached to it, and is often disregarded as superficial fluff. This is not simply true for movies anymore, but for books as well, with the fairly recent emergence of the genre “chick lit.”

These books often have pastel covers with pictures of shoes or cocktails or both, and they usually have a single everywoman-type-heroine, complete with dieting woes and dating insecurities. And while it is true these books frequently follow some familiar conventions, many are receiving an ill-deserved reputation.

The really good chick lit books are by authors who haven’t forgotten that lit stands for literature, and they manage to create complex stories with subtle characters and universal themes. And – here’s the truly difficult part – they do so while employing the conventions that chick lit readers have come to love and expect.

Achieving this is not easy. One must ask, when writing chick lit, which comes first: the chick, or the lit?

The Chick
So just what do chick lit readers expect when picking up a novel? While this list is in no ways complete, it is a start:

A heroine with a good sense of humor
Characters who are dealing with real-life problems concerning career choices and/or family issues
Focus on relationships
Description of settings that are urban or in some way exotic
A story with an element of romance, however, romance does not have to be the focus of the story
Emphasis on other relationships, like with girlfriends

In addition, a lot of chick lit books use conventions that have made the stereotypes about these books true. Listed below are some of the more blatant ones:
· A heroine who loves shoes and martinis
· A story set in either London or NYC
· The main character works in publishing, PR, or some equally glamorous profession
· A plot that is driven by the flakiness and insecurities of the heroine, who is always getting herself into jams due to her foibles.
· Outrageous and quirky supporting characters which include family members, childhood friends, and work-buddies
· Sex scenes that are either hinted at or told in detail
· An elusive guy with a hip name who, for whatever reason, won’t commit to a relationship with the main character (at least until the end of the book)

When writing the chick component of chick lit, it is important to include at least a couple of the elements from list “A”. However, if you want to make your book easily identifiable as chick lit, go a step further and throw in some elements from list “B” as well.

The Lit
So you’ve figured out which chick conventions your story is going to include, and it is time to write it. But now comes the more difficult part. How do you turn your story into literature?

First, we need an understanding of just what literature is. I like this definition, found on Yahoo definitions:
Imaginative or creative writing, especially of recognized artistic value: "Literature must be an analysis of experience and a synthesis of the findings into a unity" (Rebecca West).
Let’s break the definition down into three parts.

1. Imagination and creativity – In Emily Giffin’s Something Borrowed, Rachel is a big-city lawyer who has always been too busy for a relationship. Then she falls for Dex, and must learn to balance love and career. Sounds like standard chick lit, right? Except Giffin does the unexpected by making Dex already engaged to Darcy, Rachel’s oldest childhood friend. The fact that Rachel has a full-blown affair with Dex, while lying to Darcy, should make her an unlikable character. But the opposite is true. Through imagination and creativity Giffin creates flawed and complex characters, and an equally complex story that distinguishes itself from other, less imaginative tales.

Artistic Value – Many a writing instructor has issued this demand to his/her students - “Show, don’t tell!” But what does that mean? Consider this passage:
“It’s been so cloudy and overcast, and I’m left feeling depressed and blah. I wish there was some way I could escape the weather and my emotions.”
Not bad, huh? But with a little effort, this passage could be a lot better, showing the reader the narrator’s situation, rather than telling us about it. Now consider this passage, from What My Mother Doesn’t Know, by Sonja Sones:
“Heavy clouds hang low like a thick gray soup boiling overhead. I’m gray through and through. Even my thoughts are gray. If I cut my finger, I’d bleed gray blood.”
See the difference? The first passage describes the grayness of the mood. The second passage goes a step further, causing us to recognize a gray feeling of our own through simile, hyperbole, and example.

Analysis, Synthesis, and Unity – This simply means putting some thought behind the events in your story, combining the events in a meaningful way, and finding a unity, or theme, by doing so.
For example, Elizabeth Buchan’s novel, Everything She Thought She Wanted centers around two very separate women. Sienna is living in modern-day England, pursuing her glamorous and successful career as a fashion consultant. Meanwhile, Barbara exists in 1959, and is having an affair with a much younger man after spending her youth caring for her husband and children. While the two stories told in this novel are quite different, they both center on the sacrifices women are asked to make for their family, and the price of motherhood. By the end, we are led to a meaningful connection between these two women living very different lives, and a unified theme on the complexities of love emerges.
In conclusion, it is possible to write a fun, hip, and commercially successful chick lit novel that is also creative, artistic, and meaningful. Just decide which conventions you want to follow, then put in the time to make your writing a cut above the rest. It may not be easy, but with some effort you just might create the perfect balance between chick and lit!

Copyright by Laurel Osterkamp : All rights reserved.

Wickedly Good - A Chick Lit Version of Macbeth

2006-07-21T07:42:00.000-07:00

Below is my entry into the Purple Prose Parody Contest.

Wickedly Good
A Chick Lit Version of MACBETH

By Laurel Osterkamp

It’s Monday morning. Girl’s poker night went a little long and I’m feeling the effect from one too many Cosmos. My philosophy has always been that Sunday night is still part of the weekend and should be treated as such. I’m beginning to rethink that idea now, seeing as how I’m thirtynothing, I can’t get into lower than a size twelve dress, my mom and I don’t get along, and I’m still single! Oh! I almost forgot. I also have a crappy job working at a major NYC publishing house (I’m in the HR department). Lately I’ve been thinking I should grow up, form some goals, and achieve them. It’s time to be slightly settled.
“Wendy! Snap to! I’ve never seen you looking so foul.” Helga, my direct superior, screams across the room at me, compounding my headache and rotten mood. There’s something about the martyred nasal quality of her voice that reminds of Satan in a designer outfit.
My co-worker Sabrina answers her with a chirp. “Helga, be fair. She’s not capable of much”. She shakes her blond head and tugs on her size two jeans as she speaks, and I suppress the urge to clobber her. Fair and foul, foul and fair – welcome to my planet.
Helga, Sabrina, and Wendy – together we’re the weird sisters of HR. Not just because we’re all weird, but because coincidentally, we’re named after famous – or infamous witches. Helga lives up to her name by being hideous in both looks and personality. Sabrina could be Melissa Joan Hart’s evil twin. And me, well, I’m Wendy the good little witch. Except I’m not so little, and I’m a good girl gone bad.
And how are we weird?
You’d be surprised at what working in an office with fluorescent lighting, no windows, and only the same two people to talk to all day can do to you. Sometimes when a new person strolls in we overwhelm him with our enthusiasm. And so what if we practice a little black magic from time to time? We’re three babes in captivity.
Our office door opens, and in strolls Mr. Mac. Mr. Mac is really high up here at Cawdor publishing. The only person above him is his best buddy Banquo, and Duncan Dunsinane, the president of the company. But Duncan is old and worn out, and there have been rumors about him retiring. Mr. Mac would be the natural successor. And what a yummy boss he would be! Brown wavy hair, piercing blue eyes, and a body that just won’t quit. Combine that with a sexy Scottish accent and witty personality, well, he’s the dream of every girl who’s urban, single, and loves shoe shopping. Hooking him in would be the perfect start to behaving like an adult.
“Good day ladies. I’m in a bit of a fix, and I need you to lend me a hand.”
Helga pipes in first. “All hail Mr. Mac, Publicity Director of Cawdor!”
Next chimes Sabrina. “All hail Mr. Mac, Vice President of publishing!”
Then I add in the final punch. “All hail Mr. Mac, you’ll be CEO pretty soon!”
Mr. Mac raises one eyebrow and gives us a crooked smile. “Right. Anyhow, it seems one our employees has misplaced her diary. She’ll be dreadfully embarrassed if it falls into the wrong hands. But there’s no name, only the initials – B.J. Any ideas who that might be? It says in here she’s a wee bit chubby. ”
The door opens again and in comes Mr. Mac’s good friend, Banquo. Banquo is short, round, and bald. Supposedly he’s wickedly good at publishing, but I don’t have the urge to pour frapachino all over his body and lick it up the way I do with Mr. Mac. Banquo is just no Mr. Mac; he’s barely a Mr. Maybe.
“All hail Banquo, shorter than Mr. Mac, yet much taller!” cries Helga.
“All hail Banquo, not so successful as Mr. Mac, yet much more successful!” wails Sabrina.
“You will have sex, but nobody actually thinks you’re sexy.” I proclaim.
There’s an awkward pause as everybody looks at each other and nobody wants to speak. Darnit! Why do I open my mouth and say such silly things? I could probably lose my job for that last comment. Without a paycheck I’ll be saying goodbye to Jimmy Choo.
Banquo breaks the silence. “Um, thank you?” Then he turns to Mr. Mac. “Thane, did you hear? Duncan is in the hospital. He had a massive stroke this morning. The doctors say he probably won’t last the night.”
“You’re… you’re joking, right?”
“Thane,” says Banquo, “I wouldn’t joke about something like that.”
Mr. Mac turns to Helga, Sabrina and me and gives us a suspicious look. “What are you ladies up to?” he asks.
Helga grabs her industrial sized bottle of whiteout and waves it around.
“Out, out damn spot,” she cries. Then a fog emerges from the bottle, and out of that fog comes an apparition. It’s a novel with a pink cover, and on that cover is a high heeled shoe and a martini glass.
“Open the book and see!” yells Helga.
“See!” cries Sabrina.
“Read the dang book!” I howl.
Banquo and Mr. Mac each look a little green, but Banquo steps forward first.
“What the heck,” he says, as he opens the book-like thing that is floating in front of him.
“What does it say?” Mr. Mac asks him.
“I think you’d better see for yourself,” Banquo responds.
Mr. Mac steps forward to inspect the book. As he does Helga, Sabrina and I dance in a circle around him, chanting.
“Double, double, flirt and fumble. Money earn, and humor be humble!”
We stop chanting as Mr. Mac speaks. “It says that no chick of chicken born shall ever harm me. I must say, I have no idea what that could possibly mean. Banquo, what do you think it means?”
But Banquo hasn’t been paying attention. He has turned his focus to me.
“You’re Wendy, right?”
“Yeah,” I respond with a smile and a wink. I’m starting to dig this not-so-perfect man.
“So you think I’m going to have sex?”
“No.” I say, deadpan. “I know you are going to have sex.”
He laughs. “You maybe want to get a drink sometime?”
“Sure. I’m busy tonight, but how about tomorrow?”
“Tomorrow, and tomorrow, and tomorrow…” Mr. Mac says, but his voice trails off as the apparition disappears.

Banquo and I hit it off like a shopoholic in Manhattan. And lucky for me he’s good in bed. Also, Banquo recognized my talents right away and put me in a job in where I’d have some real input. Mr. Mac did make CEO, but he didn’t last long. Seems he fought me every step of the way as I tried to get Cawdor Publishing to market books which spoke to me – and all the other single urban women out there. Sure, dismiss my books as chick lit, I don’t mind. I may be a chick, but I’m not a chicken. And when I replaced Mr. Mac as CEO, he realized just how wickedly good I am.

Contest Results

2006-07-12T11:47:00.000-07:00

I am so pleased with the results from the contest! Quite a few people entered, and the winner is Kym, who has her own book blog. Here is the link:
kymmayfield.blogspot.com

As promised, I am posting some of the responses I got in regards to people's psychic abilities. While most people said they are in no way psychic, here are some of the more unique answers I got:

No but I wish I did, somehow my life would be a little more together if it were... at least I hope it would. - Naftali

No I don't but I have had experience with meeting with a medium to help me through my loss of my mom. It really helped me and gave me some peace. Don't know how to explain it because of it being the first time I went, but when I was there, and through this, it was so visual and emotional that it helped me heal. So its not a psychic ability but I sure believe in it.! - Cathie

i have what i call the momma psychic ability lol, like when my little girl is about to do something or is doing something i see the crash, bang and scream that will happen if i dont stop her ;) - Kym

The only ability Ihave is that when someone trie to sneak up on me, I alwys turn around before they are successful. - Debbie

How To Be a Modern-day Fictional Heroine

2006-07-12T11:38:00.001-07:00

It used to be so easy. All you needed was a thick mane of tousled auburn locks, high cheekbones and a determined little chin; add an ounce of determination and an event from your past that haunts you still. Then, wham! You were the perfect fictional heroine.

But now it’s not so simple. With television shows like Grey’s Anatomy and Ally McBeal, books like Bridget Jones’s Diary and Good in Bed, and movies like Miss Congeniality and Legally Blonde, we’re getting all sorts of mixed messages over how the ideal woman is supposed to be. What’s a modern girl who wants to hold herself up to impossible standards to do?

Simple! Just follow these guidelines, and you’ll be as witty, complex and neurotic as the rest of them. In other words – you will be the perfect, modern-day fictional heroine.

Step 1 – Be Flawed
This step is super easy, because come on, we’re all already flawed anyway, right?
Right!
Except for one little catch. It is necessary to adopt the correct flaws, and these three are non-negotiable.
1.) You must be self-involved. This includes comparing your own petty personal problems to things like death, war, and injustice, and finding some sort of unique parallel no matter what the situation may be. It also includes having a constant inner dialogue with yourself where you point out these parallels with witty commentary. For example: “Even the news reminded me of him. Yesterday I saw this report that said routine circumcision in Africa could prevent 300,000 deaths in the next ten years. What a shocker! Chopping away at a guy’s penis could help eliminate pain, loss, and heart-ache. What will they think of next?”
2.) You must have issues with food. If you plan to be a television or movie heroine, this means that you cannot eat. Period. If you plan to be a book heroine, this means that you must eat all the time, except when you’re not eating, and then you should be thinking about eating. I strongly recommend the second option.
3.) You must become preoccupied with an unhealthy relationship. This includes but is not limited to, relationships with boyfriends, friends, mothers, fathers, roommates, and exes. Especially exes.(And make sure that your ex is dreamy, preferably with a new girlfriend who is in no way as good for him as you were.)

Step 2 – Practice Retail Therapy
Today’s modern day fictional heroine realizes one fundamental truth – that there is no problem too big or too small that cannot be remedied with shopping. Again, there is a catch; you need to be careful of what you go shopping for. Hard and fast rule – anything that’s practical or cheap is out. Other than that, I have provided you a list of approved shopping items, with the most highly recommended items on top, and continued in descending order:
Designer shoes
Designer beauty products
Designer chocolate
Designer purses
Designer lingerie
Anything else designer
Clothes (This is listed as the very last option because although clothes shopping can be a lot of fun, if you happen to have gone up a size, the blow to your ego will be so enormous that it will negate the therapeutic aspect of said retail therapy.)

Step 3 – Have a purpose, deeply question it, then either accept it or abandon it to find a new purpose.
Rather than go into unnecessary detail, I have created a handy-dandy chart. Just pick an option from each column and you’ll be good to go.

Column A
1. You’re a (lawyer, publisher, or banker) and you love the power and money.
2. You’re a (doctor, policewoman, or writer) and you love changing lives.
3. You’re a stay-at-home mom and you love your family.
4. You’re all of the above, and you’ve never been so fulfilled!
Column B
1. It’s all getting to be too much and nobody understands you.
2. None of it means anything anymore and nobody understands you.
3. You wish you could have some time for yourself, and why doesn’t anyone understand you?
4. Is this really what you set out to do? You did major in art history after all.

Column C
1. After meeting the right guy, you decide to chuck it all and live overseas.
2. After falling back in love with the guy you’ve been with for years, you decide to start your own home-based greeting card company.
3. After realizing that the nerdy guy is actually the one for you, you return to your career with a new sense of purpose.
4. Who needs health insurance anyway? You decide to take some time off just to focus on you.

Conclusion:
So you see; it’s really not that hard for truth to imitate fiction. Gone are the days of walking moors, wearing corsets, and dying of consumption. Nowadays all you need is a little attitude thrown in with a barely noticeable social complex. So get your credit cards ready, preheat the oven for those brownies, and start living your life as if everyone can (and wants to) hear what you have to say. A new age has arrived!

ENTER

2006-07-02T12:21:00.000-07:00

Contest #1
Win a free copy of Following My Toes
by answering the following questions about chapter 1. You can read chapter 1 at www.laurelosterkamp.com.
1. Where does Faith meet Peter?
2. What book was she reading when they first spoke?
3. What drink does he bring her?
4. What is Faith's psychic ability?
5. Do you have an unusual psychic ability? Describe it to me. I'll post these answers on my blog, unless you specify in your e-mail that you don't want me to.

Send your response to laurelalyce@yahoo.com. The winner will be chosen at random, and the contest will run through July 9th. Thanks for participating!